Halloween is a time to dress up, eat lots of candy, and get scared out of our minds. It’s a great time to sit around and share ghost stories, or if you aren’t that creative, just sit around and watch American Horror Story. Witches and zombies aren’t the only scary thing though. It is hard to sleep at night thinking that these 10 very real, very scary things actually exist in our world; and they won’t go away once you turn on the lights.
1. The Kardashians are rich because of us
The Kardashians are not only famous, but they continue to get more and more rich. Why, BECAUSE OF US! We buy from their clothing lines, download their apps, and more importantly, watch their TV show religiously. Please make it stop!
2. It took this long to get Friends on Netflix
Friends is probably the best TV show EVER! Why did it take this long for Netflix to put it up on their site? I can only think of one possible answer, that the Netflix CEO was possessed. It’s scary to think, but at least it’s better now. Soon, we can all watch Ross mess up every possible romantic relationship any time we want.
3. People still haven’t watched Orange is the New Black because of the lesbian sex
It’s 2014 people. Wake up! Yes lesbians are real and freaking awesome. For people to not watch Orange is the New Black because of lesbians is not only insulting, but really terrifying. You are willing to give up an amazing show with a grade A cast because of girl on girl action? Dumb people scare me.
4. Apples are more efficient than caffeine in keeping people awake in the morning
That’s right Starbucks lovers. All that money that you spend on Tall, Grande, or Venti cups of energy can be found in a fruit. Fruit that you can get for free at the dining hall. So go ahead and sip your $4 frapps. I’m praying for you.
5. Leggings are considered pants
Our great grandparents would definitely cringe at the fact that leggings are now considered an appropriate piece of clothing to wear in public. I’m not complaining though. I live in my leggings for the greater part of the year.
6. Media promotes self empowerment and body shaming
Yeah. We’re all about that bass. Our culture tries to empower all women of all sizes, but fails to walk the walk most of the time. It’s a fact that the amount of empowerment pieces in magazines are paralleled in articles on how to lose 10 pounds and the best ways to cover up blemishes. I guess every inch of us is perfect – after we fix what’s wrong with us.
7. Taylor Swift has made a career out of breakups
Hate on TSwift all you want, but it is terrifying to think that her career and fortune are all the product of some d bags breaking her heart. For most, the only product of a break up is lack of sunlight and a giant tub of Ben and Jerry’s.
8. Transformers movies are and continue to be a thing
Why? That is the only thing I have to say to Michael Bay, who insists that he is still making decent Transformers movies. One was good. Two was ok. Three was pushing. Four, I have to question your sanity. I’m scared for him and the reviews that will come out with the next heap of scrap metal that hits the screen.
9. People still watch reality TV
Reality TV is the biggest unexplainable phenomenon that keeps me awake at night. Don’t get me wrong, I watch it too. It is just scary to realize that you actually watch and sometimes care about these people that are so irrelevant in the scheme of things. Someone needs to wake up and ask, “WHO CARES?”
10. Kim Kardashian’s cry face
I want to scream in horror and then laugh hysterically when I see Kim Kardashian cry. Out of all these realities, this is probably the scariest, mostly because she prides herself on her looks. Poor Kimmy.