The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
I have been single my entire life. Whether that’s because I am too picky with who I like, my ability to catch “the ick” (When you “can’t look at the person in the same way, you just progressively get more and more turned off by them, weirdly & maybe for no reason in particular grossed out by them.” – Urban Dictionary) in a span of 3 days or the simple fact that I haven’t met my person; I am still single. The thing is I don’t care anymore. I know when the right person comes along I will find them.
So how did I come to this state of simply not caring? I learned to love myself. Well…I am still trying but I am almost there.
Usually when we want a significant other in our lives it stems from loneliness. Personally I sometimes just want to be cuddled up next to someone while watching my favorite romantic comedy movie. In order to get over this constant feeling of loneliness that comes with being single, you need to do a few things first. Below is a list to help:
1. Find a solid group of friends.
This is kinda obvious, but the phrase “sisters before misters” is 100% true. You cannot put all of your trust in one person. You need to surround yourself with people who uplift you and bring out the best version of yourself. College is the best time to do this because you can pick to live with your best girlfriends. Living with people who support you and care about you is one of the most comforting things a woman can have. This leads me to my next point.
2. Be the best version of yourself.
This one takes lots of time maybe even a whole lifetime. Go do activities you have never done, travel to places you have never been and find hobbies that make you fulfilled. Explore what kind of books you like by going to the library. Go to the mall and see which clothing make you feel the best. Take a cooking class and see if you have some special baking talent. Literally do anything! You will find something you love and know is meant for you. This will help to bring out the best parts of yourself allowing you to fully embrace who you are.
3. LOVE YOURSELF.
You need to put effort into step two in order to reach this step. Do not devote your love to someone else before you love yourself (this does not apply to your family and pets, of course). Common mistakes women make in relationships involve skipping this essential step. Women put all of their time and effort into their significant other that they do not leave any room left for themselves. If their relationship falls apart, their love will be left with that person and not within themselves. This is why women sometimes say things like “I NEED a boyfriend.” Like the goddess, Cher, herself once said,
“Men aren’t necessities. They’re luxuries.”Cher
With these 3 steps, you will find your way (slowly but surely) to liking the single life.
The truth is that you have to become okay with being alone. Not only so that you don’t find yourself constantly wanting a relationship, but also because you take on almost all of your life alone. So you better get comfortable with the phrase “me, myself, and I”.
A way of doing this is by making more time for yourself. Go on dates alone!
Things to do alone
- Spa Day
- Museum Trip
- Movie Night
- Flower Shopping
- Painting Class
- Bike Riding
- Take a Swim
- See a Play or Musical
- Window Shopping
Going on a date with myself is my favorite thing to do and there are so many other dates to do alone. When I want a date with myself, this is usually how things go:
Let me set the scene.
It’s a Friday night. I was going to go out with my girls but our plans fell through. I thought, “I still really want to wear that black dress with those knee-high boots.” Wait. I can still go out with myself! I pick up the phone reserve a table for one at my favorite restaurant and I start to get ready.
Now you get to spend an amazing night with the best and most important person in your life: You.
So next time you are feeling lonely and think you “need” a man remember that you don’t. We are strong women especially when we are on our own. Eventually we may find that one person or not (spoiler alert: it doesn’t matter!) The only person that has your back for life is you. Enjoy the single life because it allows for the most freedom. Get to know yourself so that you can appreciate who you are and never let anyone treat you for less than what you know you deserve.