I have something that I need to say. It’s time everyone stops bi***ing about the “cold” weather and just deals with it. I’m pretty sure most of us come from 900+ miles away, so your hometown is definitely freezing its ass off, and you’re complaining about it being a high of 62. You sound like a brat. In the same vein, while I want people to embrace this relatively chilly weather, there’s a certain guideline that you must all follow. For the love of all mankind, Uggs* should not ever be worn. Period.
Look, I know what you’re thinking; “Uggs are so cozy and warm and they have that super cute fluff at the top of them and mine are pink and they were basically featured in that Flo Rida song once, so what’s the big deal?” The big deal is that it’s no longer 2005, and therefore tucking your jeans into your Uggs and flipping the tops over to expose the “fur” is no longer acceptable. You are not Marissa Cooper, and the odd band of white fur around your mid-calf is not a good look for anyone, trust me.
Have you ever actually looked at an Ugg boot? I mean, really looked at it? They’re slippers. Really, they look like slippers, and it doesn’t matter what color they are or if they’re the super-”hip” suede or just straight up leather, you look a bit like you’ve walked out of your dorm room wearing house shoes. This look is amplified by the extremely thin sole at the bottom of an Ugg boot. What is that? Like, what’s the purpose of that? I’ve heard that Ugg boots are a great way to keep your feet warm in the cold, but with that tiny rubber sole and plush “suede”, the snow has got to seep through, right? You can’t honestly tell me that trudging through real winter snow, that boot provides any protection.
Eckerd College: get with it! Please! It’s time we let go of the Uggs of the past and move on to bigger and better things! Perhaps in 15 years Uggs will be vintage-y and cute, but for now they need to find their way to the Goodwill donation box in Slater’s Woods, or at least to the back of your closet where they can wait to make a resurgence in fashion. But don’t get any ideas. I vow to never support Uggs as a fashion entity, even if Versace sends them down the runway or Lady GaGa wears them to the Grammys in 2025 (Although, come to think of it, I’m sure GaGa could come up with an inventive way to wear Uggs. Maybe as sunglasses?).
Stylistically, the Ugg boot is a mess. It cuts you off mid-calf and makes you look chunky. I’m telling you, they’re not at all adorable. Buttons. Straps. Nothing will make an Ugg boot stylish. So, unless you want to look like Paris Hilton hitting the slopes circa 2004, it’s time you invest in a new type of boot. And, really, boots aren’t all that necessary because it’s only 62 degrees out, people. You’re not in Boston anymore. Stop it with the whiny Facebook statuses.
*I would like to point out how I stayed away from the blatantly obvious “Uggs are ugly” pun that people have been using since I was in high school. If you came to this blog looking for cheap jokes, browse elsewhere. That kind of humor is beneath me. That is all.