So it’s midterm season. (When isn’t it midterm season?) You have an exam on Tuesday, a 12-page paper due on Wednesday, another exam on Thursday, an exam on Friday, and well, why not, an exam on Saturday because you go to Duke University. Yay for you. You’re stressed. Like, real stressed. Like, you’re currently living in Perkins, hugging the printer, and moaning economics terms. It’s okay, been there, climbed that. You can do it. That’s the good news.
The bad news? I have one more test to add into your schedule. And no, you can’t put it off until after the weekend, after you’ve taken your long week of stress out on as many disco sticks as you can find. No, this test definitely has to be taken before you put on your poker face. Stop crying and listen. It’ll be easy, I promise. It might hurt a little bit but it definitely won’t hurt as much as your macro exam. Ready. Set. Get an STD test.
We had the talk last week about birth control and everything, but I also want us to both get tested. Am I being too demanding? Well, too bad. It’s important to get tested whenever you switch sexual partners and can also be helpful to do so more often than that. Getting tested is easy and Duke provides basic STD testing as well as the whole nine yards for a little extra dough. And it’s worth it for your peace of mind. Don’t worry, I’ll go with you. We can both make appointments at the Duke Student Health Center on Flowers Drive and get tested together. It only takes a few minutes and the nurses are so nice. They give you a Duke rubber ducky to squeeze while they take your blood and pat you on the back for getting tested afterwards. It’s just like when you went to the doctor as a kid and you got to choose a sticker or a toy after the check up. Ah, the good ol’ days.
You may be a little apprehensive at first. It’s scary reading the list of STDs posted on the wall of the waiting room. Syphilis, Chlamydia, Herpes, Hepatitis, AIDS, Lions, Tigers, and Bears OH MY!! Sorry I’m not sorry that I want to know whether you’ve met, seen, shook hands or penis with any of these b*tches before we head to Pleasuretown, USA. This is the final and most important test to take during midterms because even if you think that that econ exam will ruin your chances of becoming the powerb*tch you deserve to be, failing an STD test or failing to get tested can ruin your chances of ever having a little powerb*tch to follow in your footsteps. Not to mention your chances of nabbing that incredibly hot and egotistic I-banker (who knew he wouldn’t think herpes was sexy?).
So come on baby, let’s take a stroll down Flowers Drive and once we find out we’re both STD free you can deflower me…again…and I’ll ride you off into the sunset.
Photo source: http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-ash2/23269_368700119463_2963_n.jpg
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Duke chapter.