No, I’m not talking about the Bryan Center. I’m talking about birth control. You knew it would come to this. You and I have been monogamous (I HOPE! Come on, Cosmo has the same 500 sex tips every issue and can’t possibly relate to you as much as I do!) for a while now and I hope one of us has been on birth control because well, a “while” can turn into a baby if we’re not careful and (I HOPE) no one is expecting to use the “b” word anytime soon. So let’s stick to the “BC” words. After weeks upon weeks of engaging in sexual conversation it just had to come up at some point. It’s not you…and well, it’s not me. It’s both of us. Because frankly, we both need to take a position on the subject of birth control.
So yesterday I went to my neighborhood pharmacy to purchase my monthly dose of birth control and was surprised when the cashier rang me up for $49.50 instead of the $24.00 that I usually pay. My eyes bulged out of my sockets and I almost dropped my sad credit card (credit card has big sad) and protested, “uh, I usually only pay $24.00 for this prescription.” Well, times are a’changin apparently because according to the happy little pharmacist the rate has gone up per month and I am no longer receiving my usual co-pay but instead, a measly one. Great. Now I have to pay $50 a month to protect myself from the possibility of babies in our sexually active environment and my sexually active choices. Babies. You suck. And sex, you are becoming quite expensive and my wallet isn’t as big as you once thought it could be. But, alas, that $50 a month, $600 a year, is probably the best money I’ll be spending at this point in my life aside from the tuition bills that roll in every year. Because birth control and whatever type of contraception you use is important, it is well worth any pretty penny and effort.
Birth control can be a touchy subject but this isn’t a political article, this is a sex column so let’s stick to what we know: the bumpin’ and grindin’, the love making, and the baby creating. Mainly the last one. As Duke students we strive for excellence and are known for our ambition and determination so having children during college really doesn’t factor into those qualities and their subsequent goals. But for many people, sexual intercourse and exploration does. You can’t have one without the other, unless you have birth control. There are many different types of contraceptives out there so there isn’t any reason you shouldn’t use them. And any Duke student who can pass Writing 20 can definitely figure out how to get their hands on some type of contraceptives. So use your thinker just a little bit more after your long week of orgo tests and 12 page papers and use a condom, take the pill, or choose to be abstinent. Condoms are always available at the student health centers so just because you’re picky and you’re fresh out of your favorite Trojan extra-thin-female-pleasure-fire-and-ice-melt-in-your-mouth-sexy-sensations-gold-extra-large doesn’t excuse you from being the smarty pants that you are and just rolling over to the health center and picking up a couple raspberry-flavored ones for free. Would you rather your girly parts smell like raspberries for a couple hours or smell like babies for the rest of your life? Easy decision.
I believe that most Duke students use contraceptives of some type because well, I don’t see any babies crawling around campus and I definitely don’t see total abstinence. I’m proud to know that there is a quiet and secure understanding between all Duke students that we know how to use birth control in all its forms and that we do actually use it. That is important and I’m glad we got that covered.
That quiet and secure understanding however, does not always extend to the personal relationships and encounters we have with our sexual partners. Make sure that you create an understanding, even if you’re dealing with just a one night stand, ESPECIALLY if you’re dealing with a one night stand. Use a condom, it’s easier than having a kiddo and then you’ll be able to do more homework for your statistics class 9 months from now instead of pushing a human out of your vagina. Pay $50 for your birth control, whatever it takes. But make sure both you and your partner are on the same page. I don’t care how much he wants a mini-him, he can NOT have one. Not yet anyway, not ‘til you’re a #powerb*tch on Wall St. and you’re freaking ready to have a mini-you (a mini-him, please, who is he kidding?). Have the talk, just like we’re having the talk right now.
So here’s me being a little Cosmo for you, because yes, Cosmo may say the same thing each month but there’s really no way to get around BC without repeating the same cautionary notes. I’m not going to repeatedly tell you to touch a guy’s frenulum like Cosmo does but this is different. Buy condoms of your own; pick out your own favorite flavor, size, or texture. It can be fun just like shopping for dresses or shoes! Get yourself on birth control just in case and try to pay less than $50 but if you have to, you have to. Get one of those scary ring things that they insert in you…sorry I don’t know how to say it in a more appealing way, except that it works.
I’m sorry we had to have this talk. It was awkward. But we’ve been having such a good time together and I’ve been trying to put it off. But I had to let you know where I stand. I love you and I’m glad we got this whole thing sorted out. Now let’s go to the actual BC and get some froyo.
Photo source: http://natural-fertility-info.com/wp-content/uploads/birthcontrol-300×19…