I’ll just come out and say what I think. I think that Duke women have misplaced our love. I’m serious. It’s not like it just slips your mind, falls out of your bag, or gets swept under the rug. No, it’s not by accident that love is lost on us. In fact, I have a theory that a lot of us literally chuck love out with the garbage every Sunday evening. I know I threw out love my sophomore year. I have to wonder, is anyone still clinging on? Why have we turned away from love? Where does all our love go when we throw it away? Does it evaporate? Does it sit in a pile outside our respective dorms? Or does it lie dormant, lurking around Durham, waiting for a way to penetrate the Duke bubble?
Why so anti-love? Here is a list of the stigmas about love on campus, specifically affecting Duke women:
1. The Power Struggle: Love Makes You Weak If there is one thing that Duke students cannot stand, it’s being labeled as weak. At Duke, we are strong competitors, strong activists, strong academics, strong women, strong men, strong alcohol (haha). Clump a bunch of type-A personalities in the confines of a school known for the double whammy—its academics and its social scene—and there’s no way anyone is going to dare shed a tear, ask for a hug, or fall in love. That would mean someone has power over you and that is one struggle among many that you do not plan on losing.
It doesn’t help that college culture dictates that the “cool” thing to do is be free and explore all your options freshman and sophomore year, only giving that whole “love” thing (if it even exists) a try later on when you’re a washed-up upperclassmen?
Your crush turns into a hook up rather than a date, that infatuation turns into secretive flirty texting rather than any outward sign of affection, and any inkling of love turns into quiet resentment rather than a happy ending. Being in love means you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable…so you protect yourself.
2.The Collective Denial: Love Does Not Exist Dukies are engaged in collective denial about love. It’s like we’ve all made a pact to assume that love just doesn’t exist. We perpetuate this very physical and sexual culture that has no room for love. Weekend after weekend we go out, we hook up, we get back into the grind, over and over again, collectively denying ourselves any time or place to reflect on whether we’re looking for love, have found it, or have lost it. If everyone turns away from love, why not you?
3.The Rut: Love You Long Time Even couples who think they are in love sometimes realize that love isn’t all it’s cracked up to be in the movies. Those of us who are in long-term relationships find it easy to forget the meaning of love. When you’ve been with the same person for so long, it’s hard to remember to kiss them goodbye, to cherish every moment together, to remind each other why you’re even dating. Things get relaxed and love is forgotten among the schoolwork done together, the dinners cooked together, the bed shared together. You get in a rut and love is replaced by comfort.
As far as solutions go, it’s easier said than done. But I think the best first step is go to the source. No, not Twilight. I mean, the real source, somewhere where real love exists for us (or at least existed at one time). We need a love icon. Well ladies, I hate to be cliché, but we’re in a real pickle and we need the hard stuff: we need real, unapologetic, head-over-heels love.
There’s no one better to serve it up on an iconic platter than Carrie Bradshaw, the woman who put love on the map and sex in the city.
Carrie Bradshaw once said, “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”
It’s time, Duke women, Duke men and Dukies everywhere: let’s say yes to love. And not just something easy, fun, simple, or available. Say yes to the love you really want and the love that you truly deserve. Don’t ever settle. I know it’s hard to think that it’ll ever happen, that you might find someone better out there for you than you could ever imagine. I know it’s hard to even try to believe in true love when you’re sitting in Perkins crashing through finals or dancing on the bar at Shooters. But we’re Dukies and we actually do deserve the best.
You wouldn’t settle for the first draft of your resume. You wouldn’t settle for a random class schedule. You wouldn’t settle for watching the Duke OSU game on the couch. You wouldn’t settle for your childhood room in your parent’s house after graduation…would you? So why settle in love? Here’s a tip. Don’t. It’s time to reclaim the Carrie inside of you. Please don’t ever stop looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other-love…
Even if he’s from Carolina. If it’s love, don’t ever let it go.