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The Perils of Crushing on Frat Boys, Even the “Good Ones”

So for a while now I’ve had a blossoming little crush on a frat boy.

For our purposes, we will refer to him as “Floyd.” I’ve never advocated going for a frat boy, because of, well, the well-known reputation of a frat boy. Yes, I too stereotype sometimes. But I fell for Floyd, mainly because he went ahead and pursued me nicely enough. He kept saying all the correct cute things, discussed feminism with me in a positive manner, and appeared (and still appears) to be a genuinely friendly and caring guy. So naturally the frat boy I found had to be different than all other frat boys. Obv.

SPOILER ALERT: This frat boy was not different than all other frat boys.

There is an interesting phenomenon at Duke. The majority of us Duke women think that the students, including all of the Duke men, are simultaneously some of the most interesting, non-superficial, brilliant, multi-talented, special people we have ever met, as well as some of the most douchey, superficial, trite, and heartless. For such brilliant students as ourselves, our opinions seem strikingly inconsistent. What gives?

It’s not that we contradict ourselves. Take Floyd: At his frat’s first major party of the year, I decided to show up fashionably late. Excited for what I envisioned as a big night, I arrived on my game looking fly, ready for a major turning point in our flirty dynamic. The party was jam-packed to overflow. Floyd wasn’t answering his phone, so I edged my way near the door and casually asked a nearby frat boy if he knew where Floyd was. He told me he had just seen Floyd inside right by the front door.

YES! Here was my moment. I motioned frantically to my friend, and we scampered inside the steamy room. I looked around and immediately caught sight of Floyd intensely making out with some chick. Doesn’t matter whom. It just matters that she wasn’t me. I ran back outside and grabbed my friend’s arm to show her, but not before I stood there for a good 10 seconds and gawked. She and I went back inside and now Floyd and his girl were just grinding. But this time he spotted me.

“Hey,” he called out warmly, as if not perceiving that it might be a problem for us to casually and amiably converse while a girl was concurrently rubbing her backside against his crotch, the crotch of my supposed near-future boyfriend, right in front of my face. “Hey, Floyd,” I reply with a nonchalant bro nod. Then I left, unable to react further in any productive manner, since technically he was not doing anything he was not “allowed” to, as we were not formally seeing each other.

Duke frat boys, and I suspect most frat boys in general, have this idea that they can have their cake and eat it too. And many times they can. Especially at Duke where, if the majority of boys are not in frats, it sure seems like they are. Floyd still really likes me and flirts with me all the time. He’s also probably still casually hooking up with a bunch of other girls. Because he can. Because most all Duke frat boys can, and still in the end, when they so desire, end up with a doting girlfriend. So why shouldn’t they choose to have it all if they can? They live this life of partying and booze and women and no one tells them no, because if every Duke girl turned away from every guy who is able to do what Floyd did, there would be very, very few boys left to choose from.

So is Floyd a non-superficial, sweet, brilliant person? Yes, I still think so. Does he follow human nature and act on his intrinsic take-all mentality because he can? Yes. He just won’t be taking any of this girl any time soon, and I guess I won’t be taking much of anything myself until I can find, somewhere out there, a non- frat boy. Or the mythical non-frat-boy frat boy.

Good luck to you and me.

<3/ Lilith

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