Being a reasonable yet opinionated individual can seem like a constant uphill battle. Issues such as gun control, abortion rights, and gay marriage are hotly debated on all sorts of media. In today’s “progressive” 21st century, it often feels like vitriolic mud slinging has replaced open-minded conversation and debate, leading to a disconnect between idealism and practicality. Holding fast to one’s beliefs and morals is definitely a virtue in our attention deficit society, but what works for one individual may not be the best solution for the entire collective. This brings me to my point about feminism.
The term feminism itself has slightly distasteful associations with bra burning and the war on porn—all pretty extreme measures taken by women who really have the same motives as most modern females: establishing equality. However, as with most labels, the power of the word belongs to those who own it. If the average woman who strives for equality between the sexes refuses to self-identify as a feminist and only those who have more radical views do so, then the negative stereotype is only reinforced. Furthermore, it is possible to enjoy certain things and still be a feminist. For example, most people can agree that Hollywood rom-coms generally show socialized gender roles for men and women repeatedly with each new movie, but that doesn’t stop “forward thinking” people from watching and even liking parts of these movies. In fact, I think we can agree that not all people believe that these movies portray reality or even a healthy ideal; stereotypes pictured can actually start conversations about how short these roles fall in providing a life full of happiness. Similarly, feminism is one such issue that needs to be approached with understanding rather than judgment—as Nietzsche once said, “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
Recently, the popular Youtube vlogger Jenna Marbles posted a video titled “Things I Don’t Understand About Girls Part 2: Slut Edition”. As you can expect, this extremely controversial word and topic, “sluts”, received a large amount of attention. Perhaps Marbles attempted to take back a negative word by using it for a pro-feminist, powerful purpose. Although I believe that using this derogatory term was detrimental to her overall interests, it was definitely an effective attention grabber. Many of the points she raised are worth giving a second thought: not regularly engaging in extremely risky sexual behavior by going home with complete strangers, having meaningful sex is more rewarding than a string of emotionless bangs, and simply saying hi to girls who seem to have reached the point of “bad decisions”. Jenna’s ideas hold up as choices within women’s sphere of control, offering women choices to empower themselves apart from men. Furthermore, I think the most important point that she didn’t quite clearly convey is that there is nothing wrong with having casual sex (although it is important to have safe sex, every time), but there is something very damaging about treating one’s number of hookups as a substitute for self-confidence and perceived approval. Individuals who tie their self-worth to the number of guys who try to pick them up per week should be helped to see that they have so much more to offer than just their bodies. All in all, I think that the positives of her vlog far outweigh the negative word she chooses to use to describe her subjects of discussion: slut. It’s a pity that instead it was what most people focused on and picked petty fights over in the comments section. Debate is an extremely positive thing, but attacking one another and refusing to budge from one’s point of view is completely different, not to mention unproductive and detrimental to anyone’s growth or improvement. (Does the 112th Congress come to mind, just a touch?) We need to take a better-educated approach, or even just a more civilized one, when it comes to handling opinions and ideals we disagree with. Like Marbles YouTube video, a Thought Catalog writer also recently posted an article titled Why We Don’t Need Feminism where she attempted to break down why she believes the term “feminism” and the previous notions associated with it are now outdated. She also received very acerbic responses, and attempted to address those comments in a follow-up article entitled Critical Reprise. People have become truly vicious towards people who hold different beliefs towards them, and I truly believe it needs to stop.
Another issue that is often overlooked is the belief that men aren’t affected by the same things women are. Feminism isn’t about making women better than men—it’s about promoting the interests of women so that they can enjoy the same type of freedom in all aspects of life that men do, but not at anyone’s expense. Men also have a lot of gender obstacles of their own to overcome: men don’t wear pink, boys aren’t supposed to cry, and feelings are for wussies. There’s no real gain in branding men as the enemy; instead, we should all work together to help accomplish a better society. In fact, some of the greatest supporters and proponents of women’s rights I know are men.
I turn 20 at the end of this month, but despite that and the fact that as Dukies we are expected to be mavericks and totally ready to be the future of our generation, I’m really just a kid still trying to figure out what I want to stand for in this life. But one thing I know for sure is that we need more compassion and mutual understanding. We don’t always have to know the right answer—sometimes there isn’t even a right answer—but we should strive to always try to work together towards a better answer. Attitude really does make all the difference. Happy 2013, everyone!
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