If You Were Honest During Parents Weekend

This year Parents' Weekend and Halloween weekend were one in the same. For many Duke students this required quite a performance, it required that for 72 hours, they lead a double life, one rivaled only by Miley Cyrus in her Hannah Montana days. For entertainment purposes, here’s how your weekend may have played out had you decided to be completely honest with your parents while they were here….

Friday Evening:

“This meal is heavenly, I will probably dream about it until Thanksgiving. Since I left home I somehow forgot how to boil water, and already spent all of my food points on alcohol, so I’m pretty much starving. Wait can we swing by Party City before you drop me back at my dorm? I need to pick up some thigh high stockings and a leotard for tomorrow night.”

Saturday Morning:

“No, really we don’t need to go to the Pre-health information session. I’m not pre-med any more, I honestly have no idea what I want to major in- I’m thinking Sociology or maybe English. “

Saturday Night:

*Impatiently taps foot as football game runs longer than anticipated* “I’m actually going to head out. I have a lot of work to do on my costume, and if I don’t start drinking soon I’ll be way behind my friends, and who wants to be sober on Halloween? Not me. Wait, can I pretty please have $20? I probably won’t pay you back, but I really need the money for cover, and for food if I don’t find a hook-up. I mean you’d rather me get chubby than be a teen mom, right?“

Sunday Brunch:

“Wow these Wa Duke bathrooms are so much cleaner than the ones in my dorm. Really there is nothing quite like wretching up all of last night’s mistakes in a glistening porcelain throne and then inhaling a $30 brunch for free. I might actually be able to do some homework today instead of lying in bed and Netflixing off this hangover!”