Let me start with a story. Back in the wonderful days of high school I met a boy. We became great friends, started flirting, and before you know it we were making out! We’d sneak off at parties and even made out in the back of his car (many times) to make those romantic comedy moments every high school girl dreams of. But then we kept making out, things got a little more serious, and then it was almost the end of the school year.
“So…ummm…what are your thoughts on us having sex?” I asked quickly. I was shaking I was so nervous. “Umm…well…maybe we should talk about it, I guess,” was his response. At first I thought sex was just the logical next step, but I realized he was the perfect first. He was my best friend, I trusted him, I could handle any of the infamous-first-time-mishaps with him, and I liked him a lot.
So we talked about it, and decided to go for it…just not right then. A week later I had the house to myself, and he was going to come over to “watch a movie.” We spent the first two hours actually watching the movie and nervously chatting…then we started to make out. The usual routine began to play out, hands started moving, clothes came off, and things started to move quickly until we both stopped. He looked at me and before he could even ask I just said, “yes.”
I’m pretty sure he was more nervous than I was, and once he got the condom on we both tried to relax. After a few more minutes of foreplay, we started to have sex…well kind of. He got about two centimeters of the way in and I cringed in pain. It took me a good ten minutes to let him get all the way inside me, and even then I made him move extremely slowly. It HURT! After a few minutes it started to get easier, things started to speed up, and then BOOM! The front door slammed open downstairs…my sister was home. We both burst out laughing.
That was my first time. My story is way less than perfect, but I don’t regret any part of it. Now I want to give you the tools to make your first time as painless, crisis free, and stress-free as possible.
1. The Guy
Every girl has a different idea about who they want their first to be. Some want him to be someone they love, some want it to be their best friend, some want it to be someone they will never see again, and some just want to get it over with. The important thing is making sure you know what you want, and making sure that’s who it’s with. My philosophy in life is no regrets, so make sure the person you lose your V-card to is the right one. Trust me, it will make the whole process a lot easier.
2. The Horror Stories
Let’s face it. We’re all terrified of the common unknowns that come with losing your virginity—bleeding, not knowing what you’re doing, the possibility of pain, etc. First off, relax! Hopefully you’ve picked the right guy and that already takes off the majority of the stress. I’m a firm believer in telling the guy it’s your first time, but I understand that some of you disagree. My rationale is if you tell the guy, he’ll know it could be painful and you might bleed. If you’re worried he’ll back down if you tell him you’re a virgin, don’t! If anything he’ll be glad to show you the ropes, or it might even be his first time too. Anyways, here are some helpful hints for how to combat some of the scary realities of losing your virginity.
Put a towel down. If you’re worried about bleeding afterwards, ask him (or tell him) you’re putting a towel down just in case. He’ll most likely understand why and you can carry on. If you’d rather not address the possibility, just make sure you’re in place that you can easily clean up. Not every girl bleeds right then and there. It’s more common for it to happen the next day, and it’s usually not very much.
Get ready for some pain. Some girls survive their first time without any kind of pain when he enters, but in my case that was NOT true. The most important way to manage the pain is to relax. When you stress you will clench all the muscles in your body and it will hurt even more. The more relaxed you are, the easier it will be for him to enter you. Next, make sure you’re turned on! You need to fool around so that you’re wet enough. If that’s not enough, use lube! The more lubricant, the easier it will be and the less friction there will be to cause you pain.
For the daring ladies, one way to at least control the pain and the pace is to go on top. From this position you can slowly lower yourself down at your own pace. Then once you’ve finally lowered yourself down all the way, you can let him get on top. Most girls find missionary to be the easiest position to start out in…you don’t really have to do much work. If you don’t want to start out on top and he knows it’s your first time, don’t be afraid to tell him to stop. Hell, that’s what I did. Once he’s all the way in, then you can tell him if he can speed up or not. The first few “in-and-outs” will be the most painful. But trust me, it will only get better.
3. Location
Picking the right place is key. You need a place where you’ll feel comfortable, confident, and sexy. To avoid the infamous walk-in situations, I suggest a door that locks and even tell your roommate you need the room. If you’re in a place where you feel uncomfortable or exposed, it will make it that much harder for you to relax and enjoy the moment. Set the mood if you want! Light some candles, pick a Pandora station, or wear some sexy lingerie. No matter what, just make sure you’re in a place where you can relax.
4. Relax
I know I’ve already said it, but I’m NOT kidding! You need to relax! First off, it decreases the pain by a lot. Secondly, if you’re worried about your lack of experience, take a deep breath and let him take the lead. If you’re tense and nervous, it will make your motions much more awkward. Thirdly and most importantly, don’t be afraid to laugh. Laughing releases the tension, and let’s face it, sex is not that pretty. You’re going to get yourself in awkward, uncomfortable positions, there will be weird noises, and new sensations.
Losing your virginity is scary, fun, and exciting. It’s not always going to be perfect or magical, but make sure it’s an experience you’ll never want to forget.