The Cage Conundrum

I’m not against Nicolas Cage as a person, per se, but there’s something about him that slightly irks me. Honestly, I’m sure that if I really gave him a chance I would somehow just get over this, but I get so agitated I can’t sit through his movies. My brother made me watch National Treasure once, once, and the entire time I was trying to point my finger at what really goads me about him. I still haven’t entirely confirmed what that is, but I’m hoping that by the end of this passionate rant, I will know. I do want to disclaim that these are my personal sentiments and I am not trying to speak for anyone, and I have the utmost respect for Nicolas Cage as a person and as an actor.

Where to begin, I don’t even know. I remember when I first encountered this conundrum. It was the beginning of high school, 2012. Everyone on Tumblr had been freaking out about three memes: Miranda Cosgrove, the scalene triangle, and Nicolas Cage’s face. The first two are irrelevant to the matter at hand, so we’re going to disregard them for the time being. I remember agreeing with the general sentiment towards Nic Cage (That’s another thing, I can only call him Nic Cage in my head. It takes me a second to connect that Nic is short for Nicolas and also that there’s no ‘h’ in Nicolas. And that he’s a part of the Coppola family. What an enigmatic man.) but I couldn't have told you for the life of me what exactly it was. From then on, he was just barely on my radar.

I had never seen National Treasure. I didn't watch it until my senior year of high school. I made it almost four years without having to pull off actually watching his movies. A few people told me to watch some of his old films, but just seeing a picture of him low-key sent me spiraling trying to figure out what emotion he evoked. And the worst part is, I bet he’s a great actor. Actually, I’m sure of this because there is no other way I can justify being this mean to him. 

He could be a trickster god and I kind of hope he is. There’s just something so very slightly Chaotic Neutral about him. He could steal the declaration of independence or blow things up, but he can also turn around and be a romantic or artsy lead. Is it his versatility or rather the sheer force of his presence? Is it his eyes or his grin? Is he the Chuck Norris of this generation? There’s this episode of Community that really sums up my sentiments, and it was after I watched this very eloquent scene that I got an inkling of how I even feel. While I won’t be having a full public breakdown about this, I do often fall into occasional phases of slightly overthinking this. 

The other day, I decided to read an interview of his, someone had mentioned another Nic Cage conspiracy and I was down a deep Google hole. I have to say, this interview really shed some light to me on how he is as a person and an actor. And, it’s blurring the line between those roles in my mind. On an alignment chart, he would be true neutral. He is the truest neutral person I have ever seen, which if you really think about it is such an interesting concept in a world where everything is starting to seem increasingly polarized.

So, I am passionate about how unclear I am on what the true essence of Nic Cage is. Either way, I have mad respect for this man because he is a true enigma. There is some sort of source of sheer power that he bathes in or pulls from because Nic Cage is just… Nic Cage. The truth is out there, and one day I will find it and make peace with it.