The effects of a little bit of time, perspective, and concealer are actually pretty surprising. When I had originally pitched this article to my managing editor, I wanted to write about “Why I Love Wearing Makeup for Myself”. It was less of a truth and more of an aspiration, which I realized when I began drafting the article a few days ago. The honest truth is that this year I have used makeup not entirely as a tool to empower and express myself, but as a veil to hide my biggest insecurity: my acne scars. They’re red spots of hyper-pigmentation that mostly cover my cheeks and are a not-so-subtle reminder of the bad acne that plagued me in high school. At first glance it looks like my face is covered in breakouts even though I now have clear, smooth skin.
In my freshman year of college I used makeup sporadically. Even when summer rolled around I wore it exclusively for work, as the oppressive Kentucky heat and humidity made it miserable to wear it any more than that. Even at the start of my co-op this year, I wore it simply as an extension of my professional appearance in the office, although I now realize that the idea that I have to wear makeup to look professional is wrong.
Everything changed one hot October evening on my commute home. I dashed into the last subway leaving the train terminal, just as the doors were closing. I found an empty seat, put my headphones back in, and sat in peace for a few seconds until the man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. I was prepared to get harassed for spare change or cash. What I got instead was a debilitating blow to my self-confidence. With no precedent he proceeded to loudly explain which drugs he believed would work best for “acne like [mine]”, which was “a shame for a girl so pretty”. The other subway passengers gave me pitying looks, whether it was because I was being harassed or because they too felt sorry for the supposed detriment to my beauty caused by my acne scars. I wordlessly turned back around in my seat, put my headphones back in, and fought tears on the rest of my commute home. Recalling the mortifying experience even now leaves me angry and embarrassed.
After that day I invested more into makeup than I ever had before. I wish I could say I was kidding. A significant portion of my paycheck went to the MAC counter at Macy’s, as I attempted to prime and conceal over the scars that still showed enough to get me called out in public. I began using trends, like dramatic dark lipsticks, to hopefully distract from the scars and blemishes I was so ashamed of.
Naturally, clogging my pores with so many products aggravated my skin, and I soon began to breakout again. When I returned home for the holidays, sans makeup at home, my mom gently asked me about my skincare routine. I told her that it was basically nonexistent. The amazing thing about moms is that somehow they know what you need even before you know what you need. Several days later, on Christmas morning, I unwrapped the best gift I’ve ever received, a Philosophy skincare set which she and my dad had purchased before I had even arrived back in Kentucky. Little did I know, this (not full-coverage foundation) was the key to loving my skin again. I made the New Year’s resolution to focus on skincare instead of cosmetics, and I haven’t looked back since.
In just one month, I’ve scaled down from wearing a full face of makeup (primer, foundation, concealer, eyeshadow primer, eyeshadow, mascara, blush, and lipstick) to just swiping on my favorite moisturizer mixed with a bit of concealer before I run out to catch my train. It’s cleared my skin and helped me to be much more confident in myself. I’ve replaced all the time and effort I used to spend crafting the perfect smoky eye or double layer concealer with caring for my skin. But I’m still not entirely comfortable bare-faced, which is where my seven day no-makeup challenge comes into play.
For the next week, I’m challenging myself to not wear any makeup (including tinted moisturizer), which is still kind of terrifying for me. As an avid magazine reader, I’m constantly bombarded by perfectly photoshopped and face-tuned celebrities glowing at me from my phone screen. I want to be reminded of what real, imperfectly perfect skin looks like and the best place to start looking is in the mirror.
A month ago baring my face, makeup free to our 900+ followers would have been unthinkable but here I am!
Day 1: Tuesday, February 2nd
I started off my day taking a 7:00 a.m. kickboxing class with a friend. As soon as class was over, I rushed to the locker room to do my usual post-class skincare routine and clean myself off before running to the train station down the street. My post-workout skincare routine consists of using my favorite face wash (Purity by Philosophy), rosewater toning spray (produced and sold by local soap maker Duross & Langel), and my daytime moisturizer (Ultra Light Face Lotion by Lather). Normally I mix my moisturizer with my concealer, but I skipped that step and it actually helped me make my bus to work just in the nick of time!
I felt really exposed not having anything to even out my skin tone or cover my scars, but none of my coworkers said anything about my appearance being different. On a positive note, I didn’t have to worry about foundation staining my pastel blouse. I indulged in a relaxing green tea and avocado face mask before getting ready for bed and finished off my routine by applying the Hope in a Jar moisturizer by Philosophy over my vitamin A cream.
Day 2: Wednesday, February 3rd
Since yesterday didn’t go up in flames because of me leaving the house bare-faced, I felt a little bit more relaxed today. As usual, I washed my face in the morning, then applied serums instead of my moisturizer. The two I used are also from the Philosophy collection. Time in a Bottle is a brightening serum that also moisturizes, which I applied to my entire face. I followed it up with a quick application of Philosophy’s Miracle Worker retinoid anti-aging serum under my eyes, and proceeded to go about the rest of my morning routine.
Days 3 and 4:
These days were mostly uneventful; I had started getting used to the concept of not letting myself wear makeup, but oddly enough that made me want to wear it even more. Nevertheless, I prevailed and found myself with an expedited getting ready process in the mornings and less foundation-stained blouse collars at the end of the day.
Day 5: Saturday, February 6
So today I decided to ‘cheat’ on my no-makeup challenge, but hear me out. This was a very special day for me and my sorority; We were hosting our annual philanthropy event, Deepher Dude, to end our term of fundraising for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. Over 1,500 alumni, parents, students, and members of the community came out to support us and I felt the desire to show my best self to those who came out to support us. So, I put on a sheer CC cream (which multi-tasked as a sunblock and moisturizer) to even my skin tone and swiped on my signature red lipstick. A swipe of mascara completed my look. In my favorite little black dress, Steve Madden wedges, and my gold sorority membership pin, I felt so proud to represent the best of myself on the outside that Delta Phi Epsilon has helped me become inside. At the end of the night, when our fundraising grand total of $60,000 was announced, I was so enthralled by the moment that it wouldn’t have mattered if I were wearing sweats and no makeup, and I know that my sisters felt the same way.
Days 6 and 7:
These days actually went by without me thinking of makeup at all. I forgot about the challenge and went about my day as usual. Sunday entailed a day of kickboxing class, grocery shopping with my boyfriend, and watching the Super Bowl with our friends (and in the company of the best buffalo chicken dip I’ve ever had the pleasure of trying). Monday was a typical day at co-op, complete with some Gossip Girl re-runs à la Netflix at night.
In concluding this challenge, I learned that the necessity of makeup (or lack thereof) is completely made up. We get so caught up in these double standards of appearances between genders that we forget that they don’t exist if we don’t let them. As young-adult author John Green once said in response to a fan asking about how boys look so good without makeup, “They’ve never been told that they look bad without it”.
This challenge taught me that now when I really do want to wear makeup, I want to use it to accessorize or accent my style, not to compensate for my imperfect complexion. I unapologetically own my appearance, and if you feel like you could never leave the house without a trace of makeup I challenge you to try it one day. The feeling of freedom may just surprise you. If nothing else, do it for your complexion. By the end of the week I didn’t even have to use anti-breakout creams because my pores were so much clearer. I may go back to wearing more than just moisturizer and lip balm for formal occasions, but I can’t say that I find the idea of wearing a full face of makeup everyday to be appealing anymore.
I deserve to love myself as I am, and so do you. #LoveYourself
Header image: Sofia Vergara / Instagram / Bella Hadid / Instagram