It is very rare to find a reality show that captivates its audience in such a way that can compare to The Bachelor. Fans of the show gather in front of their televisions on a weekly basis, wine glasses filled and snarky comments at the ready. Men struggle to grasp our obsession with the drama, romance, and everything in between. Luckily, one of those male specimens (who would like to remain anonymous) decided to give this show a shot after being convinced — and slightly bribed. Read on below to find out how it went.
What have you heard about The Bachelor before sitting down to actually watch it?
I’d heard that it was a 100 percent real, definitely not scripted, dating show in which a large group of women compete for the chance to marry a guy they’ve interacted with for what I imagine is roughly the equivalent of two months. Basically, it’s like a creepy version of The Hunger Games except the contestants fight for the approval of some random dude instead of their lives.
What convinced you to give The Bachelor a shot?
Free wine. Also, being able to try and understand why almost every girl I know watches it. Mainly the free wine though.
First impression of the show?
This show has about as much ethnic diversity as a Donald Trump rally. That and why isn’t anybody making a bigger deal out of how weird it is that two of the contestants are twins?
Who’s your favorite girl so far? Why?
Caila. Mainly because she’s one of the only girls whose name I could remember since she wasn’t a blond white girl named Lauren.
Who’s your least favorite girl? Why?
Olivia. Everybody reading this probably already knows why. She’s straight up insane and also looks like a bird.
At what point did you feel the final straws of manhood slipping from your grasp?
The moment I agreed to watch an episode for this article. Glad to know that was already probably established as a question before I agreed to this.
What are your thoughts on the group date concept?
There are twin sisters on this show. I shouldn’t have to even justify how weird this concept is based on that fact alone. Seriously though, why is nobody else making a bigger deal out of how weird that is?! Nothing says, “I’m getting to know you on a personal level” like going on a date with four girls at the same time, two of which are sisters.
If you were the bachelor would you use a rose to proclaim your love or some other item?
Roses are lame. I’d go for a burrito. Nobody worthwhile would turn down a burrito in favor of a rose. If they did, I’d probably need to reevaluate why I’m even proclaiming my love for them in the first place because they clearly don’t have their priorities in order.
What date idea would you come up with for the show for a one-on-one, a two-on-one (Where would you leave the rejected girl?) and a group Date?
First of all, I didn’t even know about this two-on-one thing. They’re expected to just abandon the rejected girl? That being said:
One-on-one: Brewery tour – best-case scenario, we both have a great time. Worst case scenario – we drink enough to forgot how badly things are going.
Two-on-one: Mountain climbing – I don’t know anything about mountain climbing, but with that recent revelation about leaving the rejected girl behind, I’d like to see how she’d managed to get back down. She’d have to pull off some next-level Bear Gryll’s type stuff.
Group-date: Animal shelter. That swimming with pigs thing was amateur hour. If these producers were to combine this show with puppies and kittens, their ratings would skyrocket. Plus, you just have one dog or cat mess with the contestant that people hate the most. Easy views right there.
If you were on the show, what would you change?
I think in the last episode, the final contestant should have the choice to choose either the bachelor or a million dollars.
How do you feel about girls being such fans of this show?
I think it’s perfectly fine. Guys watch TV shows and play video games that are equally as shallow and aren’t judged for it. For every show like The Bachelor that girls have, guys have something like BattleBots. (Disregarding the fact that BattleBots is actually like the raddest thing ever, of course)
Final thoughts on your first experience watching The Bachelor?
1) Get some diversity up in there for the next season.
2) I’m convinced that every blond girl on the show was named Lauren
3) I kind of understand why girls watch this show, but still have no clue for the most part.
4) I still can’t believe I agreed to this.