Love or Lust?
In this day-in-age, relationships have become relationshits if you were to ask me. I understand that no relationship is perfect, however today’s generation barely strives for greatness.
Very often, I attempted to build a relationship with a man; I found out that either way, one of us had issues that we both needed to work on. I would soon realize that the issue between whoever I was dating was mostly our lack of communication skills. It was either one of us did not want to hold a real conversation or the other felt like they would be giving out too many relationship benefits before committing.
During my journey, I found out that a lot of men felt entitled to relations prior to the relationship. I also began to see that not only did they feel entitled to sex just with me, but also with every other woman they were dating as well. Though I didn’t understand this assumption, it had begun happening so often that I began to think it was normal behavior.
The more that I witnessed it, the more that I realized that I was not ready for commitment. The men that I dealt with would be in relationships already and still be seeking a woman to talk to and have relations with; it was immature and discouraged me. I had always been a woman who sought out growth and prosperity in all aspects of my life. I didn’t know who I could trust or who I should give a chance to; that feeling made me look at people negatively all together.
I attend seminars and have girl talk with my fellow girl bosses and very often we stumble upon the “relationship” topic.
My girl bosses told me that it is very seldom for established women to be in committed relationships. When they told me that, I thought to myself like “I’ve never even REALLY got a fair shot at a real relationship.” Sometimes I feel anxious because I consider never being in a committed and healthy relationship before I get too old to raise a family.
So now here I am, a senior graduating from college in a few months who has never been in a healthy relationship. Sometimes I think its good for my personal and business growth, other times I would really love to see how it would work out for me. No cute graduation pictures with my boo? WOW B. LOL! (If only it were that serious right…)
I spoke with the mature men in my life that are continuously working on themselves and asked their opinions on the topic. Keep in mind, I never thought that I would get the responses that I got from them.
After speaking with these men I found that they can both very well agree that the mistakes made in relationships are due to a lack of maturity. One of them is much older than the other and has experienced a lot in life. He spoke more so about the feelings that women bring him even as age is concerned. He told me that the younger women were more energetic and wild which reminded him of his younger self. He also told me about how the older women in his generation made him feel more mature which relates to his true goals and dreams.
Another young man called in and spoke elaborately on the mistakes he has made in his past relationship and tells me that it is the reason why he chose to work on himself for some time. He admitted to cheating and lying but could agree that “what goes around, comes right back around.” I could definitely relate wholeheartedly to that statement because I remember being really into a guy I had started seeing from my senior year into my freshman year of college.
This man and I had become the closest of friends; I would soon grow to feel comfortable talking to him about any and everything. What I didn’t know was that he had been in another relationship with someone else the entire time. He would tell me all of the time that he did not want a girl friend and that he was “focused on himself.” I did what I felt was right at the time, which then was to turn my feelings off and turn my savage on fire. I began dating someone else and I found myself crying to him about how I was seeing another man.
I felt terribly about the idea of hurting him once he had admitted to me that he wanted to “go together.” I remember myself staying up and sending him lyrics to some songs I really related to at the time. I couldn’t find the words to say anymore so that had became a major crutch for me; it was love and this scared me more now that it was over. He ended up cutting me off and I found out a year later that my friends knew him only because he had been screwing her friend. Some way to find out that you had been in love with yourself the entire time, huh… To this day, he doesn’t know that I know and still refuses to even befriend me. LOL! Sis…. don’t burn yourself on that tea, honey!
(Now for the next pot)
My guy friend and I began chatting about dates and how he felt about them. Ladies, my guy said that he is not paying to take us out on a date! LOL! I was stuck too sis. He’s a tall, fine man with a brilliant head on his shoulders and sis, he said NO. I asked him why he would drive miles to meet up for a date that he indeed asked a woman out on, to not pay for her dinner. My guy said it’s because he hates feeling like he’s investing in something that isn’t guaranteed to last.
He has a lot of female friends and regularly hears them bragging about the free meals they get from men. From that moment forward, he promised himself that he would not be another free meal for women. Ladies, I think sometimes we forget to consider how we are making our kings feel which is the reason why SOME of them do the things that we disagree with. So now, we are on a nice date with this conscious king that refuses to be a free dinner date, and now we have to pay half of the bill. We get home and we are absolutely irked, telling our friends “no girl, he agreed to me paying half of the bill. He asked me out on the date though!!”
Would you keep dating him on the strength of your connection or no, sis? I mean, isn’t it about the time you two share?
My guy made promises to himself and after doing some soul-searching, I made some for myself. From this day on, I will be sure to be patient, kind, loving, genuine, me, and a woman of God in my relationships. Pardon me if sometimes I fall, I am a human but I still care.
LOVE always,
Miss Dandridge
https://mynameisntblaze.com/2017/06/07/love-or-lust/