While I was trying to write an article this week, I found that I had no motivation. My brain was slow, I was tired, and I wasn’t finding inspiration even with such huge events happening this week. I put off writing this article for a few days and then I decided to flip the idea on its head. Instead of trying to write about some political event or fashion trends, I am going to write about how incredibly confusing my emotions, inspiration, and thoughts have been as we approach graduation.
The last few weeks have been a blur of turning in assignments, barely getting any sleep (or, on the other hand, sleeping in way too late), and counting down each ‘last’ of college. Today, I will give my last presentation of college. Yesterday, I attended my last chapter meeting for my Greek organization.
Talking to my friends and peers, I realized that I wasn’t alone in this topic. Everyone around me seemed to share the same sentiments of not caring about the next few weeks of school, but also caring way too much. It seemed difficult to strike a balance. We kept saying we were unmotivated, but we knew that there were assignments that needed to be turned in in order to receive that diploma in two weeks. We were expressing that we were exhausted, yet knew we had to stay up until three in the morning to finish an exam. I feel absolutely no creativity and almost as if my brain has shut off, but my mind cannot stop reeling. I have an overwhelming fear of the future – embarking on a journey I have never experienced, paying bills, planning meals, and transitioning to a job that I am truly excited for, but also nervous about.
I always heard that Junior year was the hardest year of college. While, yes, academically that may be true, senior year is an entirely other beast. Culminating projects of all you have learned in the last four years take over every waking thought, along with the struggle of finding time for job interviews and completing applications. On top of all of that, come emotions. And these emotions change rapidly. In January, I could not wait to graduate. I was so excited to be in my own apartment, cook my own food, and have my own money. But now, less than three weeks from graduation, I can’t help but get emotional at all the time that has gone by. It feels like just last week I was a freshman, and I am mad at Covid for taking a year off my college experience. I am noticing all of the things I will miss. Always having someone to talk to, Sunday morning brunches, staying in the lounge until the middle of the night laughing, and experiencing things for the last time.
I apologize for how disorganized this article is, and how it may sound as though I am rambling, but I think that in itself accurately captures the emotions surrounding Senior year.