How to find a Valentine
Katie Cassidy and Sam Wong
Get a boyfriend, boy toy, male compañero ASAP because this is one holiday you won’t want to spend alone. Heart shaped balloons, heart shaped boxes and teddy bears with hearts. If you don’t have someone making your heart go pitter-patter, you’ll end up crying your sorrows away with your single friends to “The Vow”. Now that would just be plain embarrassing.
1) Invest in a giant box of conversation hearts. Hand out all the cool sayings like “text me” to every male in your classes. Someone is bound to give in to their sweet tooth.
2) Wear pink, wear red, show a little skin to get those little male minds thinking, “could she be the one? Well maybe not the one, but definitely the one right now.”
3) Make your Facebook status that you’re looking for a date, and willing to pay. Boys can be cheap, especially in college when the only things they buy consist of food or drink.
4) When all else fails, be sure you’re nice to your parents all week, because that will be one Valentine’s Day card you can always depend on. A guaranteed card with some chump change, saying you’ll always be our little Valentine. Slightly pathetic, but who doesn’t love getting a package?
5) If none of these steps work, find a single friend and go cry together. Eating unlimited amounts of chocolate is encouraged. But whatever you do, steer clear from watching “The Notebook”.