I wanted to make it clear from the beginning that this article is not solely for romantic relationships. Sure, those are important because they tend to be so intimate, but intimacy is not just physical! These reminders are helpful for any and all of the close relationships in your life.
This article is inspired by the One Love Foundation, an organization that educates people about healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns. Yeardley Love’s mother and sister created the organization after Yeardley was killed by a former partner. One Love aims to help people recognize relationship abuse and learn to build healthy relationships.
While I won’t list all of the signs they mention, I will highlight three that stood out to me most based on personal experiences.
Comfortable Pace: This is built on respect and understanding! Know that every person has different social experiences. If you’re entering into a dating relationship, some people have negative past experiences. Or maybe their comfort is just different than yours! I have a close friend who attaches to people very quickly. I was nervous at first, but I learned that she is someone who genuinely loves to express love for people in her life. The best way to meet in the middle is to communicate what makes you feel comfortable or uncomfortable. Try to remind them that it’s not a personal judgment, but a shift that could help you feel more at ease.
Independence: As someone who has been called “Miss Independent” by her family from a young age, I think this one is super important! It’s one thing to feel excited and passionate, it’s another to feel codependent. No relationship should consume your entire life and identity. In a healthy relationship, you and the other person should have your individual and “together” goals. Some compromise is okay, but you should each seek to meet your personal needs. Make sure you have a balance between alone time, time with others, and time together. If you’re lacking in any of these areas, you’re not going to be the best version of yourself. And if the other person is to blame, you may want to reconsider that relationship.
Healthy Conflict: This one isn’t easy. It takes practice. I don’t think anyone is born knowing how to handle a conflict healthily. It all boils down to communication. Don’t wait to communicate. People will process information and emotions at different rates, but I’ve found it’s best to talk about something within 0-3 days of relevance. If you wait too long, the other person may feel that you have sprung something on them. But here’s my biggest tip: not everything needs to be a fight. When I feel upset, I can tell my partner without yelling. He can usually tell I’m being sincere and appreciates that I’m not trying to tear him down in the process. Also, please, PLEASE, if possible, don’t have fights/serious conversations over text! You are bound to have miscommunications. In general, try to critique the action rather than the person. When you have a foundation built on trust and respect, that will fall into place.
I hope you see these and other signs of healthy relationships in your life! To learn more, please visit www.joinonelove.org.