(Alert: This article contains spoilers from The Bachelor Season 23, Episodes 10 and 11)
Hey guys!! Shoutout if you’re still reading these every week lol. I promise this is the last time I will bother you about The Bachelor, but you’re probably gonna wanna read this because this was the most dramatic season finale of The Bachelor yet.
Okay, so this was a two-night event, and the first night was a lot of random talking and Chris Harrison narrating exactly what was going on even though we all just watched it. We did, however, see the aftermath of the fence jump and Chris and the crew literally running through the Portuguese countryside shouting Colton’s name like he was a lost puppy. Yes, Colton was LOST. And when they finally found him, he was “done.” That’s all he kept saying. “DONE.”
After Colton calmed tf down, he decided not only that he loves Cassie, but also that he must show her!!!! He decides he’s going to break up with Hannah G. and Tayshia tomorrow. GASP.
First, he broke up with Tayshia. She didn’t know what to say at first and then asked to go talk without the cameras. But of course they were still hooked up to the mics, so we heard everything—including Colton’s racing heartbeat. Tayshia started consoling Colton even though he was breaking up with her LOL. And, by the end of their convo, Tayshia was sobbing. Not a fun time.
Hannah G. had a different reaction to the news. She was mad that Colton blindsided her like this and repeated that she always thought they would be the ones ending up engaged. After a long talk with Hannah, Colton started to question his decision, but said he knows Hannah doesn’t deserve to be “the backup plan.” Live and in the hot seat—Hannah is still broken up and started crying while watching the clip back. When Colton comes out, she asks why he didn’t give them a chance, and he replies the same way. He didn’t want her to be a backup plan.
Monday night wraps up with some of our fav boys (Blake, Ben, Garrett, Jason) discussing what they think Colton will do next. I honestly don’t remember what they said…so here’s a pic of your favorite Hoosier Bachelor.
Colton goes to Cassie’s room and tells her he wants to be with with her even just as boyfriend/girlfriend and that he broke up with Hannah and Tayshia to PROVE it. She can’t believe it?! (He literally said he would do anything last night, but yeah.) She’s clearly happy, though. He said his family is waiting to meet her in Spain. Colton’s dad is v skeptical and is v worried: “Colton is head over heels, and Cassie isn’t there yet.” And, yeah, that’s exactly what the situation was. But whatever. After all of this drama, Cassie and Colton end up together! And they look as happy as ever at the After the Final Rose show. We stan a happy ending.
AND THEN…the next Bachelorette is HANNAH B.
We aren’t sure how we feel, but let’s see what happens. She gets to meet 5 of the guys that will be on her season. Which was the most cringeworthy event of all time. But, let’s unpack it. (I did some deep stalking for these photos sooooo.)
The first mans that walks out is Luke P. He rolls up in jeans. JEANS? Sir. Immediate red flag. According to E News, “his [Instagram] bio says, “Jesus + Nothing = Everything” and “Philippians 4:13″ with a flexing emoji, face with sunglasses on emoji and thumbs up emoji.” We are unsure. Very unsure. First impression rating = 3/10
Connor walks out next and pulls out a sweet bedazzled step stool so Hannah and him can be on the same level—because this mans is tall. First impression rating = 8/10
Cam hits us with a rap?? My ears. Are. Bleeding. According to E News, “his Instagram bio reads ‘Good Vibez Only’ with fingers giving the peace sign emoji.” He gets the first rose from Hannah, but ??? First impression rating = 4/10
Luke S. looks very similar to Nick Viall. And hits us with the following line. Let’s take a moment:
“I don’t go down South often but, for you, I’d go down any time.” SHOOK. First impression rating = 5/10
P.S. See my actual LIVE reaction to this statement below.
Here it is:
Dustin comes through and brings out two champagne glasses for a toast. He’s rocking a maroon suit and a nose ring so ooookkkaaay. First impression rating = 9/10