A Eulogy to My Fake ID

I recently turned 21, which signifies official adulthood, new responsibilities, and the retirement of my fake ID. To commemorate my fake ID, I wrote a eulogy a few days before my birthday. As I reflected and put myself into a sentimental mood, I thanked my fake ID for all the memories it single-handedly created. This is the first eulogy I have ever written; here it is:

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I first met you at Target, when Katherine quickly and discreetly slipped you into my hand. At that moment, I knew we would experience beautiful memories together.

You were there for me at a variety of corner stores, Cherry Street, and that iconic bar near the L. Nobody questioned you. You were so strong.

I’ve only known you for a handful of years, but you have given me a lifetime of memories. I love your imperfections. Your hole punch, your expiration date, the fact that you’re vertical — they all make up who you are and I’ll always love you no matter how perfect or imperfect you are.

Please rest now, you have lived a full and exciting life. I will never forget you and all the 21+ activities you have given me access to.

You’re unforgettable, just like that French Montana song.

Rest easy ‘ol pal.

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