This past weekend I left campus to return back home for a few days. Second semester has proven to be much more difficult than first semester, so I decided it would be worth the splurge on plane tickets to return to the familiar comfort of my house. And if I am being honest, I really missed my mom and my dog.
It’s not unusual for my mental health to decline during the winter; it’s something that happens pretty much every year. And this winter was not exempt. My biggest enemy this winter has been very small miniscule things. Ironic, right? I keep finding myself being completely thrown off by the smallest issues.
Recently I had a complete meltdown about buying the wrong size tension rod to hang a curtain on. I (foolishly) did not measure my closet before going to Target and the rod I bought didn’t reach across my closet opening. It was a very tense situation, but it wasn’t tense in the way I needed it to be. So like I do when I have any issue, I called my mom to elicit her help. *Queue the waterworks*
I was on the phone with my mom fully bawling about my curtains, and she kept asking me why I was blowing everything so out of proportion, to which I had no answer. Why was I suddenly having constant meltdowns about silly little things? My stresses had obviously built up for a while and the rod was what made it snap, but I still felt a little dramatic after the whole ordeal
In an attempt to cope with my tension rod, I decided to take a walk around campus and eat my dinner alone. I sat in the pit of Slayter munching on my slayter with avocado, arugula, and honey mustard (you have to try it) and I brainstormed ways to hold that damn curtain up in my closet. The only thing I could come up with was buying a new rod.
I didn’t go back to my room all night because I knew that I needed to just step aside from the whole situation. Instead, after dinner I hung out with a few of my friends and finished my homework. When I finally went back to my dorm, I looked at the mess I had created and just pushed it all into my closet for another day. This is not to say that you should just push all your problems into your closet to deal with at a different time, but sometimes it’s okay to admit defeat.
Many of my problems stem from my inability to admit defeat. My entire life I have felt a pressure to be the best, no matter what the circumstances are. I have held myself to a nearly impossible standard. I am coooonstantly comparing myself to other people, and other people always seem to be doing so much better than me.
I think that breaking my habit of comparing myself to others will be a lifelong battle, but one thing I have found that helps is just giving up sometimes. I will not be able to win every single war, and sometimes it’s better to stop fighting. At the end of the day, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the fact that a tension rod is too short.
It’s a little cliche, but maybe defeat can be successful. In a way it’s kind of refreshing to be able to just move on from something and let it go. As I continue on with my semester, I am going to focus more on everything that I can do. Instead of allowing a tiny inconvenience to throw off my entire mood, I am going to throw on an energetic song (a recent fav has been Westworld by Evan Giia) and dance it off.