The 9 Weirdest Things in my Amazon Recommendations

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I tend to buy normal things online—hats, clothing, the odd beauty product—but Amazon tends to take my normal purchases to the next level with their recommendations for me. I decided to scroll through the lists they made me and pick out some of the weirdest stuff. But to my family and friends: don’t buy me this stuff for Christmas...or I will hate you.

1. A National Geographic South African adventure map

This one kind of makes sense because I studied abroad in South Africa, but who buys maps anymore? And who spends 11 dollars on a map? $10.99

2. The 2017 Lifetime Movie “MY BABY IS GONE!”

“Pregnant Emily bonds quickly with her pregnant neighbor Kelly, but Kelly is faking it and plans to steal Emily’s baby.” Sounds… thrilling. $3.99

3. Symak Sales Co 1X Egg Cup Set of 4

I eat eggs a lot, but I really don’t know why I would need this. $5.52

4. TrendsGal Women’s Cartoon Cat Zipper Ladies Workmanship Change Purse

It has a tail for a zipper. Enough said. $6.89

5. Coochy Rash Free Frosted Cake Water Bases Shave Cream and Moisturizer

I know this is because I buy razors in bulk online, but still. I’m not trying to use “Frosted Cake” flavored bikini cream. $10.50

6. Better4Babies Modal Cotton Thermal Long Underwear Set

I don’t have kids, so I don’t know why this one popped up. In my opinion, the best one is the mustard set. $25.90

7. Zhicheng Dora the Explorer Backpack Rescue Bag with Map

Again, I do not have children, Amazon! $14.98

8. Passionate Adventure Women’s Retro ruched One Piece Bandeau Push Up Halter Monokini

I would never wear this in a thousand years. Like it’s fine, I guess. Just not my style. $15.99

9. Yunga Tart Seatz Bath

So at first I thought this was a mini bathtub for a baby, since Amazon is convinced I have kids. But no, it is a “standard therapeutic soaking bath with a large 2+ quart basin, ideal for use for: episiotomy, hemorrhoids and other personal conditions.” Apparently you attach it to your toilet and sit in it to soak your hemorrhoids. I won’t be needing that, but thanks anyway. $16.49