“Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?”
“Of course, it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?”
We all need a respite from our lives, an escape from the reality that can be harsh sometimes. For some, it’s writing or making art, while for some, it’s reading a book, watching a movie or show that takes them far from reality. For a while it’s just you and the fictional world. You may find yourself getting attached to the fictional characters because you might relate to them. Take Harry Potter for example. He may have been the ‘boy who lived’ but in most situations he was just a regular boy having- somewhat- relatable life problems. He even endured mistreatment at hands of his family, which sadly enough makes him more relatable to some people.
These characters may grow into mature adults in front of our very own eyes, going through situations that are extremely familiar. You may feel like you can understand exactly what the protagonist is going through. You might find the best of your friends in them, so much so that you start to despise your ‘reality’ which may not be as cozy. And sometimes why this happens is because you might be lonely or treated poorly by people you know in real life, which again, is sad but true for many. These characters of an invented reality become something really special to you. A term given to this type of attraction is the ‘Para-social Relationship’, where a person is involved in one sided relationship and spends all the efforts whereas the other person has no clue of their existence.
The problem can be accentuated with poorly written works of fiction that could be harmful if taken too seriously, especially with the ones romanticizing unhealthy behaviors. Depiction of unhealthy relationship tropes like co-dependency, victim mindset, I-can-change-them concept, etc. have the potential of influencing people’s mentality for the worse. In many poorly written and executed fictional works the protagonist is deprived of their own decision-making power, where their whole personality revolves around being a love interest. Their significant other may be shown as dangerous at first and then slowly the protagonist brings out their softer side because they are a gem at heart. And the worst of all, these behavioral patterns are justified by laughable explanations. These tropes are especially harmful for young audience who can take to idolize and/or idealize them.
You can feel attached to the characters because you empathize with them but when it reaches a point where it starts affecting your daily life, it can be said that it has become a problem, an obsession. Obsession, defined by google dictionary, is an idea or a thought that continually preoccupies a person’s thoughts to an alarming extent. Now, having explored the reasons why this might happen, one must get familiar with how to break the obsessive pattern. You may find ourselves deeply ruminating the fictional reality or wishing it were real constantly. This cycle of rumination can be broken by simply stopping it. But how must one achieve that? By consciously distracting our mind to pursue a different thought, which should be something that adds value to one’s ‘real’ life. You can feel connected and grounded with reality and at the same time deeply admire the beloved fictional universe.
And speaking of grounded, you can try grounding techniques like observing your surroundings, paying special attention with your senses of sight, touch and hearing. Look at what color the sky is today. Are there birds chirping outside? Feel the texture of your bedsheet. And if you feel like, talk to your friends, share your thoughts and interests with them. You might discover a completely new and better side of yourself! The solution might seem awfully simple and the obsessive thoughts on the other hand could feel too overpowering. But remember, it not about having constant success once you start. Where there are ‘ups’ there will always be ‘downs’ too. The main aim is to balance how much fictional content take in and connection with reality. And with this, I would like to quote Albus Dumbledore one last time, “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”