Our queen Taylor Swift has yet again won our hearts with her brand-new album, Midnights. She based this album on the 13 nights she couldn’t fall asleep. I was particularly enchanted (pun intended) by the song Anti-hero. She really went for vulnerability in this song. This is her best work yet in describing her insecurities and how she deals with them. I enjoyed watching the music video several times, to intake every bit of detail I could and here’s what I interpreted:
“I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser”
You know what’s coming next when a song opens with a line this heavy. In the first part of the music video, Taylor is haunted by the people she ghosted or might have let down, who humorously so, make their appearance as ghosts. Someone can be called an anti-hero if they are a protagonist lacking the traits considered normal for a ‘hero’ as per society’s standards. Taylor has faced some issues in the past regarding her public image. She as the protagonist, sings about struggling with her inability to live up to everyone’s expectations. She beautifully conveys that she feels like the anti-hero of her own story. It is a very humanizing experience to see a beloved celebrity singing about the issues she is facing, which common people face in general life. At the same time, it hurts to watch someone so successful and admired worldwide having to face such intense problems.
“It’s me, hi! I’m the problem, it’s me.”
Taylor reiterates this line multiple times. She does not feel like a ‘normal’ person with the popularity she has and her life changing accordingly, which has become “unimaginably sized” as she quoted. I received quite a shock when I saw a ginormous Taylor crawling inside a room. She compares herself to others and calls herself a ‘monster on the hill’ who does not belong with others and instead of welcoming friendships, receives weird stares from people. She calls herself a covert narcissist, which is obviously an exaggeration, but she feels like one when her actions are deemed as calculative by the media.
Her dream sequence in the latter part conveys her fears as she witnesses the chaos in her own funeral, where her sons and daughter-in-law fight with each other over her money. And with “I’m the problem, it’s me” she blames it all on herself. Or, we can see this as Taylor trying to convey that the world puts the blame on her for all these troubles and then makes her question her own self. Or is she blaming her younger self? We definitely see the younger version saying this line at the beginning of the video. This is the beauty of music; we can have plethora of different interpretations of a single piece of work.
“Pierced through the heart but never killed”
This line broke my heart into pieces when I heard it for the first time, and then shattered it into a million shards when I saw Taylor’s expression the moment an arrow was literally shot to her heart. Our queen bled in sparkles obviously; but whatever broke her so many times that she wrote this heart-breaking lyric, hurt her really deep. In the very next scene, a young Taylor is disapproving of the bodyweight of the present Taylor. Hence all this could be related to her body dysmorphia. Is the young Taylor disapproving because her mindset was dictated by the society who shamed her body? She has been through hurt and betrayal, she has experienced humiliation, she has also been body shamed by the media openly. All the judgement and hurt around her ‘pierced her heart’ but she still has stands strong as ever, because there is no other option. One has to live through it all and escaping it unscathed is next to impossible.
“I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror”
Hurt and humiliation leaves one scarred for life and shame becomes a constant companion. Taylor stands in front of the mirror but can’t look herself in the eye confidently. The younger version appears smirking at the back, she successfully reminded her that once she was body shamed. Other awful memories must also come flooding in her head, she has to face that hurt. Confronting her own feelings after that becomes particularly hard.
The ending of the music video is my favorite part, where all three versions of Taylor sit together in profound ease and drink wine. It gives immense comfort as we witness them finding peace with each other and Taylor accepts herself as she is. The music video provides Anti-hero a great justice, it allows great scope for reinterpretations as we watch the video again and again. Taylor Swift’s unparalleled storytelling makes the song a beautiful masterpiece. It has the saddest lyrics with an upbeat rhythm, perfectly balancing everything. I sincerely hope we get blessed with Speak Now and 1989 re-recordings very soon, till then keep streaming Midnights!