‘I need some space.’
Does this phrase haunt you to the bones? Do you sometimes imagine yourself asking for some space from your better half or dread them communicating this with you? Do you confine yourself to the corner, pray nothing of this sort should ever happen between you and them?
Not really sure about the gravity linked with the pronouncement ‘We need to talk.’ but ‘I need some space.’ has often been perceived or regarded as the ultimate death sentence. Hearing the same from or expressing its dire need to the love of our lives generally seems like a big deal. Essentially because want of space has increasingly been associated with less intimacy, less emotional attachment, low affinity for each other, or at its worst, infidelity and early siren signalling a breakup.
Well, if this is what you also think, we are afraid you got your definitions wrong. We really cannot imagine all those uncanny moments and baffling times when either you or your partner refrained from uttering the four vivifying words. Thence, there lies an exigency to break away from the shackles of this popular belief and delve deeper to understand the nuances linked with the want of space so as to give the much-needed boost to your relationship:
Understanding Space: What does one mean to have when they say, I need some space?
Space, also termed as personal space in a relationship, means having the headspace to do things that are just for you, thereby encompassing ample freedom, autonomy, and authority to do the things that you wish to undertake in different dimensions of your professional and personal life. Basically, it is a discretionary and a safe haven exclusive to you, where you have the freedom to make decisions and choices that put you first and make you feel great about yourself. It does not espouse pushing people away, but bringing yourself the time you deserve. It may include doing anything ranging from spending time with friends or family, cherishing ‘me’ time to working on a big project, focusing on a hobby, etc, thus putting you in a much better frame of mind to take care of your relationship.
Consider, for instance, you are working on something super important, and your sweetheart calls in narrating a controversial incident that ensued at their workplace. Whatever he or she tells and narrates is not crap because you are empathetic enough to understand the consequences one faces upon such an ordeal but isn’t there a right timing for everything? There definitely does exist room for discussions and vent-out episodes like these but certainly not when your boss is eyeing on you and you have loads of pending work piled up at your desk.
Your better half needs to realize that your lives are not intertwined to an extent such that everything just revolves around them. It does not mean that your loved one is not on the top of your priority list rather it is plainly about the timing and domain where you are functioning as an individual that resets your priorities as soon as you switch between your roles as an employee, a boss, a friend, colleague, son/daughter, sister/brother, coach, mentor, teacher, blogger, partner, student, teammate, etc. Does it anywhere mention the absence of love, companionship, or low affinity for each other? No, right?
Dr Rajesh Goyal, a consultant psychiatrist in New Delhi with 17 years of experience in the field of Psychiatry, said, “Couples need to understand that they are two individuals who are mutually bound by a relationship. Giving space to each other involves trusting your partner so that she can spend some time without any responsibilities.”
Having understood what space is, it is all the more important to know why your soul should be devoid of guilt when asking for it:
Space helps you foster your sense of identity and singularity
Embracing individuality, boosting personal growth, and creating a solid self-identity are goals highly endeared to every human on this planet. Everyone must be entitled to a fair share of ‘me’ time to engage in their areas of interest. It enables you to develop a strong, happier, and confident self, which ultimately leads to the discovery and accomplishment of your desires and dreams. And only a happy and contented person paves way for an affectionate and fulfilling relationship.
Being in your own space and leading life according to your pace gives a sense of reassurance that you can live all by yourself. So, having time for yourself is also a part of building a stable and loving relationship.
It has therapeutic and positive ramifications on your relationship
When you are free to cultivate your own dreams, interests, and friendships, it provides you with an opportunity to have intriguing conversations with your beloved about your everyday experiences and other wide arrays of interesting things. Life becomes exciting when you have multiple things to discuss and share your perspectives on. You cannot talk about the same things all your life.
It is much more fun to hear and discuss instances of everyday life, thereby keeping communication open and building a stronger, warmer, and trustful relationship.
It lets love flourish and both of you value time more when together
Sometimes when you start spending too much time together or miss your friends or do not feel like yourself—space can help reset the balance and bring back that spark of love and genuine want to see each other. Being together all the time can frustrate not only you but your partner too. There lies a high probability that you both might feel smothered in your relationship. Being around another person all the time can get annoying and tiresome.
When you see less of each other than usual, you will treasure the time you spend together more than anything else. Some time away from each other also makes you realize how much you love and pine for your significant other.
Space allows two different people bound by a salubrious relationship to co-exist independently
Your partner and their support should be a beautiful add-on to your life, where both of you are cooperative and empathetic. You can be interdependent to meet each other’s emotional needs and other desires but at the same time, you must not lose independence as core individuals.
Having some space allows you to retain your singularity and helps you know who you truly are without your partner. The utopian concept “one soul and two beings” may sound good in overtly romantic fictional movies, but in reality, it seems like a cliched impression on love and you ought to know and be who you are sans your relationship. This is precisely how space lets two different people exist individually yet conjointly!
Remember “Self-love is not selfish. You cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself”
Ever wondered why do we leave some space between words? Whatifwewroteinamannerlikethis?
Well, it cannot work out like this, right? For it seems chaotic, forced, and unfathomable.
Space between words retains the beauty and individuality associated with every word. It adds clarity and helps in furthering the intended meaning by linking words together with adequate latitude between them. In this way, it is ensured that every word has its core independence intact. Interdependence on other beautiful words also leads to the articulation of coherent and vivid strings of phrases, sentences, and paragraphs. And quite self-evidently, the same is the case with humans as well.
Thus, accept that it is normal and necessary for you and your partner to need space. What you must understand is that desiring the same does not equal rejection. Whenever your partner makes the first move to express their need, remember that it also provides you with an opportunity to grow and dedicate some time to other crucial things in life.
Just try giving yourself and your partner a chance for exploring things in life. Do not dread but cherish desiring or giving space. We assure you, it is perfectly human to do so.