Imagine sitting in your room, watching a new series with some snacks that are ever-present in your pantry, going out with friends, and coming home to cook food, or just waking up and finding that the dishes from last night have been cleaned by your sibling. These support systems are ever-present in our life as we go through the various hurdles of exams, preparing for a school event, or simply going through a stressful period in life. However, all these systems vanish as we enter the paradigm of adulthood or college life (POV: as an outstation student, or taking a PG or Hostel in your hometown). From having someone to rely on constantly, one finds that they have to become the reliable one.
At least for the first few months, we find ourselves alone in this exciting mayhem of a new life. We find numerous ways in which our pitfalls were smoothed over by the adults in our lives. These pitfalls might be as small as a missed alarm, which we were saved from by our parents shouting at the top of their lungs to wake us from our food-coma-induced sleep, or as big as missing a train. But these are the wider aspects of life that we miss. The more subtle ones, the more mundane ones, are the ones that seem like a luxury. The way the adults take us places, and a mode of transport that was always ready for us. Today we have to wake up early, taking into account the travel time and if any delays occur. Personal transportation is all but a distant dream. Missed meals, an anomaly before, are slowly becoming the norm. The soft goodnight kisses, the sound of grounding ginger for early morning tea, and the sound of prayers have all become remnants of the past.
College life is like a door opening into an unknown world, much like the portal that opened in Narnia or the train in Harry Potter, which left from station 9¾.
College life is like a door opening into an unknown world, much like the portal that opened in Narnia or the train in Harry Potter, which left from station 9¾. This is the Hogwarts that we have desired, which is why we have ploughed through our school days to finally reach it. With all our certificates in order and suitcases checked, we run at full speed towards this new city that promises freedom, fun, and a land of no rules—a place where we can do what our hearts desire. Leaving our family behind feels bitter-sweet, but the college life portrayed by cinema seems to engulf any other worries. This is where we transition from a dependent life to an independent one.
This important period of our young adult life is also a subject of research for many psychologists, which conveys that the transitions go through are not just an emotional ride, but a period of deep psychological and mental development. Trieu Quoc Nguyen Trieu and Nguyen Ngoc Nguyen, in their paper for the Journal of Positive School Psychology, express that, “For a long time, research on the elements that impact students’ psychology while transferring from home to another city for university has indicated that homesickness, culture shock, word disputes, loneliness, or price gap in large cities are all significant. All these factors have an impact on students’ quality of life and development.”
Joscelyn Lester published a paper titled ‘Coming to University: The Experience of Students Leaving Home’, in which she says, “Most students come to University at what is believed to be a particularly vulnerable age (Apter, 2002). People between the ages of eighteen to twenty-five are not classified as adolescents, but they are also not necessarily viewed as adults. From the surface, this point in life seems wonderful, as it appears to be full of all the independence of adulthood without the responsibilities that the adult world inevitably involves. However, the transition from adolescent to adult is complex, containing personal expectations of what lies ahead and also what they believe is expected of them.” These findings show that the period of transition should be treated responsibly by the university administration, by providing support to its students.
“Most students come to University at what is believed to be a particularly vulnerable age. People between the ages of eighteen to twenty-five are not classified as adolescents, but they are also not necessarily viewed as adults.”
-Joscelyn Lester in ‘Coming to University: The Experience of Students Leaving Home’
However, on the same hand, we never really leave home, do we? We still keep going back to it. And what astonishes me is how quickly we fall back into our old patterns. We wash our laundry after a 10-hour-long day of college, along with various other commitments like part-time jobs and internships. But at home, even an hour’s worth of chores seems like a herculean task, for which we must be extensively praised. The missed alarms, the ready transportation, and the morning prayers — all find us back. Like a pendulum, we keep swinging back and forth between adulting and depending on adults. A switch that turns on as soon as we leave the reliable adults in our lives (parents, guardians, older siblings, etc.) keeps on the electricity going until we come back to recharge from the battery, the main source, our home.
So where do the adults, then, find this strength in their lives? Maybe it is from our childishness. Maybe the knowledge that a very tiny human depends on them to smooth over their pitfalls is what keeps them going. Away from home, we walk the streets with caution, checking all the crossroads and the oncoming traffic. Back home, we aren’t even allowed to leave our homes after night falls. If an emergency occurs, the adults take care of it. The restrictions of yesterday have, so soon, transformed into the luxury of today. Freedom comes with responsibilities, but once in a while, all we need is a little freedom from all our responsibilities.