Have you ever heard about the terms ‘asexual,’ ‘ace-spec,’ ‘aroace’ or ‘demisexuality’? If not, the following article should help you learn about these labels or guide you on this informative journey. And if you have heard of them, look out for a new fact or two that you may have missed out on previously.
Asexual
An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction—they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon their attraction to others in a sexual way. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, just like other sexual orientations, according to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN). They may still experience romantic interest (the desire to participate in conventionally romantic behaviours with other people, including physical affection) towards other people and may even desire a romantic relationship with them, want to participate in sexual activity, bear and raise children, or start a family. While estimates for the asexual proportion of the population are limited and may vary, the most widely cited figure is that we are roughly 1% of the population (AVEN).
Apart from identifying as asexual, people may also use terms like sex-positive (enjoying and desiring to participate in sexual activity), sex-neutral (having no strong opinion about sex and it holding no place of importance in their lives), and sex-positive (who enjoy sex and would want to engage in sexual activity with their partner or desire to be in a sexual relationship). Thus, not feeling sexual attraction and attitudes or perspectives on sex are two similar but separate topics that mustn’t be confused with one another.
Grey-sexual or Grey-asexual
This term is used to describe people who may experience sexual attraction sometimes or they may experience it only under very specific circumstances. It can also be described as a grey area between being asexual and allosexual. People identifying as grey-sexual may experience attraction, though not as often or strongly as an allosexual (a person who usually experiences sexual attraction towards other people). They might experience it, but it may not be strong enough to actually act upon, or they may not wish to act upon it. The extent of attraction and other specifics may vary greatly from person to person, so it may be good to keep that point in mind. Read more about this sexuality here.
DeMiSeXUALITY
Sometimes confused with grey sexuality, demisexuality is an orientation wherein a person experiences sexual attraction towards another person only after developing a close emotional bond with them. That is, a demisexual might only experience secondary attraction (the attraction that slowly develops over time, depending upon the type of relationship with the person).
That said, many demisexuals in relationships experience both primary and secondary attraction (the former appearing after the latter, though). Or they may experience attraction toward another person without needing to develop a sexual or romantic relationship with them. They may indulge in casual sex (sometimes out of curiosity), date people, get married, or build a family. Demisexuals may consider someone’s physical appearance important but not necessarily in a sexual or romantic way right away. Some demisexuals might have an aesthetic attraction to someone and may have specific preferences for their partner.
These are different identities within the asexuality spectrum. Still, there are many people who may just identify as ‘ace-spec’ without using any specific label indicating that they lie somewhere on the spectrum or that their sexuality fluctuates on the spectrum or just for the ease of communication (as the label ‘asexuality’ is more common and easier to understand than demisexuality, greysexuality or others). Other than that, the asexuality spectrum is extremely complicated (and may include other sexualities such as aegosexuality), and this makes individuals, within the ace community or outside, question their incredibly complex identities, thus resulting in using different labels from time to time or not using one at all (coming from somebody who identifies as a demisexual and has used two other labels in the past two years and almost went into a questioning spiral herself while researching for this article!). This makes each label extremely unique and what each label means for a person could also vary from individual to individual, implying that it’s usually a good idea to ask a person about their preferences and what the label they’re using means to them. Further on, sexuality is a very fluid and evolving concept. How a person uses and interprets their label is usually a very personal and subjective matter. Different people experience the bonds they form with other people in a unique manner which can’t always fit in conventional norms and thus, have the freedom to define what their label means to them and in what context they use it.
Like other sexual or romantic orientations, the asexual spectrum has a flag of its own, which you can read more about here. If you would like to explore this in greater depth, check out this page by the Trevor Project, which also contains more information on some commonly asked questions from people and other real-world advice.
I would end this article with the fact that many people with a specific sexual orientation may have different romantic orientations (a concept emerging from something called the Split Attraction Model). For example, a greysexual may be romantically attracted to people of the same gender and thus, may use the label ‘greysexual homoromantic’ or an asexual may be romantically attracted to people regardless of their gender and thus, may use the label ‘asexual panromantic’.
These interpretations of the asexual spectrum come from a place of self-exploration, interactions and conversations with people within the community and are thus quite diverse. So, if you meet a person who uses any one of these labels, I hope that this article has given you some clarity on what it refers to, has helped you with your own questions while going through questioning, or has just satiated your curiosity!