Sexuality is a spectrum and asexuality is a wide umbrella in that spectrum. Being one of the lesser-known sexualities, asexuality is bound to be surrounded by multiple myths. This article will try to bust some of the common myths associated with the term:
ASEXUALITY IS A GENDER IDENTITY
Asexuality is a sexual orientation, not a gender identity. There are people of all genders who are asexual, and gender doesn’t really have anything to do with it. An asexual person is not someone who has no gender — the word for someone who identifies as genderless or gender-neutral is ‘agender’.
ASEXUALITY IS A CHOICE
Just like the myths surrounding homosexuality, most people believe that asexuality is a choice. Asexuality is not a choice. It simply means that an asexual person doesn’t feel sexual attraction towards anyone. It can neither be chosen nor be changed.
To be celibate means to not engage in sexual activity by choice. People may have different ideological grounds to abstain from sex. However, sex is optional for asexual people. They could be sex-neutral, sex favouring, or sex repulsive. They can indulge in sexual intercourse; it’s just that they do not find people sexually attractive.
ASEXUALITY IS CAUSED BY TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES LIKE SEXUAL ABUSE OR ASSAULT
Certainly, there are asexual and aromantic people who, because of any such experiences, may experience a change in their desire and willingness to form romantic or sexual relationships but that could be the case for any individual, regardless of their sexual orientation. It is important to stress that trauma and/or physical injury are by no means exclusive and decisive causes of asexuality or aromanticism and these factors play little to no role in determining someone’s orientation. Asexuals like any other people have their own identity. This identity need not be shaped by them having been victims of sexual violence in the past.
ASEXUALITY IS A MENTAL OR PHYSICAL ILLNESS
The assertion that asexuality is a mental or physical disorder is incredibly harmful to asexual people and has led to false diagnoses, unnecessary medication, and attempts at converting asexual people.
Many believe that asexuality is a result of hormone deficiency. However, there is no scientific evidence to suggest that asexuality is caused by a hormone imbalance or a deficient sex drive. Many asexuals are perfectly capable of experiencing arousal but they don’t experience sexual attraction. Additionally, a loss of sexual interest due to hormone imbalance is often a sudden change, while asexuality is typically a permanent or long-term phenomenon, rather than the result of something being ‘lost’. Remember that being asexual is only the lack of sexual attraction and it has got nothing to do with their sexual ability.
ALL ASEXUALS ARE VIRGINS
There are plenty of asexual people who have engaged sexually with other people before they realised they’re asexual and plenty who still engage in sexual activities after they realise they’re asexual. One’s sexual orientation isn’t governed by their sexual experiences.
ASEXUAL PEOPLE ARE CLOSET CASES
One of the most common myths around asexual people is that they are perhaps closeted gays or lesbians. Because of a prevalent false belief that asexuality does not exist, people can assume that those identifying as asexual are lying about their sexual orientation. They are either afraid to come out, are confused or may hate their orientation. Well, all of it is untrue. Asexuality is as valid as being gay, lesbian, or straight. Asexuality does exist.
THERE ARE BARELY ANY ASEXUAL PEOPLE
Don’t let their lack of visibility and representation fool you. There are a lot of asexual people out there but many of them aren’t entirely out, and some haven’t realized that there’s a word for what they’re experiencing due to that lack of visibility. While research into the asexual population is lacking, it’s estimated that around 1% of the population is asexual—but that’s based on studies where the participants have likely known what asexuality was and been out enough to identify that way. It’s likely there are more asexual people than we know of but even if they did only comprise 1% of the population, that’s still tens of millions of asexual people.
ASEXUAL PEOPLE JUST HAVEN’T FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON YET
The idea that asexual people just need to meet the ‘right person’ who will unlock their sexual desire and ‘fix’ their asexuality is untrue. It isn’t something that can be overcome by “finding the right person”.There is a common misconception that one’s asexuality can simply be changed. Some people even take it as a challenge to change one’s mind about matters regarding sexuality. Imagine being told that you aren’t who you are and experience being pressured into being something else completely. This is the toxic mindset most invalidating comments have.
ASEXUALS DON’T FALL IN LOVE
Asexuality is only the lack of sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean asexual people don’t fall in love. They can definitely fall in love or crave emotional intimacy. In fact, there exists a good number of asexual couples who live completely regular lives, just like heterosexual or homosexual couples. They may not prefer to engage sexually and may treat their relationship as ‘love without sex’.
IT’S JUST A PHASE AND IT CAN BE FIXED
Many of us would like to think asexuality is a phase people go through and it will perhaps get over. A lot of us may think that asexual people choose not to have sex for some time or may not be interested in sex initially. Some people may also suggest having sex fixes asexuality. Or a pill can do wonders. But that isn’t true. Asexuality is neither a phase nor can it be fixed by any means. It is almost always innate and inherent like any other orientation and it doesn’t get over.
Overall, asexuality awareness is still on the low and there are a few myths that need to be cleared. All it needs is a little learning and simultaneously, a bit of unlearning too.