Five days before the May 1st college decision deadline, I accepted a spot in the University of Delaware World Scholars Program, meaning that I would be spending my first semester of college in Rome, the Eternal City.
At the time, the decision seemed like a no-brainer. Study abroad was something I knew I wanted to have as apart of my college experience, but the chance to do it twice? The deposit was put down, visas were purchased, and off I went on an incredible four-month journey.
Although I was going on this journey with 40 other UD World Scholars, many times, it didn’t feel like we were all that close. In fact, a lot of the time I felt like I had no one. I was on an island in the middle of the ocean and the other scholars who had made better friends would sail by on their big boat. I would say hi to them from a distance, but that was kinda it. There were a lot of times when I felt like I was on the outs with the rest of the group. Even worse, there wasn’t much I could do to distract myself from this feeling. I didn’t get involved in anything at the university because I didn’t want to commit myself to something I would be leaving in four months. Even though I threw myself into homework and studying, there’s only so much studying and essay-writing that can be done before you have absolutely nothing left. And of course I went out with these people who were sort of my friends, but sort of not (I mean,18 is legal in Europe!!!!). But, I would never feel close to these people. No matter who was in my classes, who I went out with or who I traveled with, I would always feel like there was this wall between myself and the other students.
I think the hardest part of the journey, however, was being in a completely different time zone from my friends and family. I was six hours ahead of east coast time, and I was constantly reminded of this fact whenever I FaceTimed my parents or friends back home. The morning shadows on the walls of my home in Connecticut looked much different from the afternoon shadows on the wall of my apartment in Rome. Because of this time difference, it was difficult to find a consistent support system.
Yet I still say that Rome was an incredible journey because it truly was. Despite undergoing the hardest transition of my life, I grew as a world traveler, a student, and an adult. I planned out every single one of my trips myself. I went where I wanted when I wanted with whoever I wanted. I also used my own money and I was so proud of that. It was consistent validation that working two jobs over the summer was paying off. In addition, I was able to balance that weekend travel with getting my work done. I never skipped a class unless I was near death from illness, and I got all my projects and essays completed on time. I was very vocal and always spoke my mind, regardless of what everyone else was thinking. But most importantly, I stayed true to myself, another positive thing in the midst of all the struggles. As an adult, I went grocery shopping every week, made a budget and cooked for myself when the dining hall was closed. I never called my parents for help with train tickets, visas, passports or anything unless it would affect my ability to get home safely.
So why I am telling you this? Why should you care? Because my study abroad experience completely changed my life, but in the best possible way. Even though there were highs and lows, the independence and freedom I was afforded helped me explore all the possibilities of my future and what I want to do for the rest of my life. I got to explore these opportunities in another country. How many people can say they studied abroad at all? How many people can say they studied abroad twice? Even though there were times when I wanted to quit, go home and transfer to another school, I am so glad that I didn’t because I wouldn’t have been able to know how much better things got. Because things did get a lot better.