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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

Why it is Important to Discuss your Sex Kinks with a Partner

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at DCU chapter.

Role Play. Foot Fetishes. BDSM. We’ve all got our kinks; and some are way more physically demanding and risqué than others. There’s a huge difference between loving being verbal and loud while getting it on when another could  be completely turned off by this. 

It’s common knowledge that communication is a key element in sustaining a healthy relationship: discussing things that are making us unhappy, and if there’s certain boundaries we need to respect. But this in particular should apply to what goes on in between the sheets too; and should definitely apply to discussing sex kinks with a partner.

And as a disclaimer: no, we’re not asking you to tell every sexual partner you have that you’re a fan of being tied up. It’s not something anyone expects you to shout at the person you’ve been chatting up in the nightclub before a one night stand. We’re not asking you to put “will do anal” in your Tinder bio. But when it comes to a relationship, or even whether it’s just a person you just hook up with on the regular, it’s something useful to do to ensure you’re both having the best sex you can, and to set some boundaries.

You will always enjoy sex the most when both you and your partner are feeling comfortable, confident and having fun, according to Dr. Lehmiller on Sex and Psychology, and what better way to have fun than to reveal what really gets you going in the bedroom. If using aphrodisiacs is what you like, then go discuss and try it out with a partner. This goes both ways of course, and you could find yourself dipping your toes into some new sexual experiences that you end up loving.

Alternatively, these discussions about sex kinks are really important for discovering what you and your partner don’t like as well. Nobody wants to be put off during the deed by something so small and avoidable that your partner thinks is actually turning you on. 

If one person loves to choke and pull hair while the other can think of nothing worse than being rough, it really will kill the mood. The same way one could think calling a partner pet names like ‘Daddy’ is sexy and hot, but they’re secretly trying to block it out.

Remember that it is not awkward to discuss these things, and don’t be ashamed of any kinks you have. Stay safe, and have fun!



DCU Communication Studies 1/2 of the Her Campus P.R.O Team