News that girls around the world are embracing the new trend introduced by TikTok of the “stay at home girlfriend” has shaken up many viewers who, considering the risk this sort of occupation holds and the implication of what can be considered as an anti-feminism choice, are severely criticising this currently trending lifestyle and the impact it can have on the lives and expectations of young women.
It wouldn’t be the first time that a lifestyle that is often portrayed by a series of content creators on the platform attracts as much attention and controversy. We’ve seen a series of different ‘aesthetics’ become fashionable on social media and later be forgotten in the past few years, especially after the pandemic, such as “cottage core” or “that girl”. The trends often offer an overly romanticised lifestyle that stands on the idealisation of a particular aspect of one’s life.
As problematic as this trend may seem, by analysing the history of recent TikTok trends, one can understand where the romanticisation of this type of lifestyle comes from. After the COVID pandemic, when TikTok hit its real apex, the idea of not working started to be realised by many who were forced in the lockdown situation. This was probably one of the causes that led people into imagining a series of idealised realities, such as “cottagecore” that prioritises a lifestyle in a bucolic setting, often far away from chaotic cities, in which there is no need for a job as it is possible to solely rely on self-maintenance.
“Stay at home girlfriend” could be the exasperation of trends such as “cottagecore” as it provides a relatively quiet lifestyle that doesn’t include work whatsoever, but that has also a more glamorous and romantic connotation.
In recent times, the rise of the controversial trend has presented women with a way of living that can be associated with that of housewives, that is characterised by taking care of the house and the boyfriend and just having a lot of time to spend at home.
The main difference one can observe between the “girlfriends” and housewives is surely the lack of children in the picture. If one can say that housewives serve the active purpose of taking care of every aspect that has to do with family, children included, the new trend is often showing girls whose only concern is their boyfriend, the one who works and makes the money.
What can be observed from that is the simple fact that if a woman in a marriage has the previously agreed role of taking care of the children while the other part is taking care of the economic aspect, when it comes to girlfriends taking care solely of the one who works, the type of relationship that is formed between the two parts is likely unequal. If a wife is contributing just as much as the husband in the family context, the girlfriend in question would end up “working” as a caretaker for her boyfriend in order to “earn” his financial support, ultimately creating a subtle and dangerous power dynamic that would not be healthy in a relationship.
Considering the risk of the choice of living like this, maybe it would be better if a trend like this stayed an idealisation, a reverie. If one takes into consideration the risk of economic dependence on a partner who isn’t even legally bound by marriage, the unequal relationship that would come out of it and the serious risk of not being able to build a life for oneself in case things with the other ended, it is surely easy to understand why people are being sceptical when dealing with the diffusion of this trend.