Long-term relationships can be challenging at the best of times, not least when you are a fresh-faced college student who is experiencing major life decisions on a daily basis-Should I apply for an internship? Do I need a Master’s degree? Can I really save that much for my car insurance? It’s no wonder people can find it difficult to prioritise their romantic lives and sometimes feel that things become a bit stale and predictable. So, how can we combat these signs?
Firstly, remember that every relationship is unique. Find your ‘normal’. Focusing on how often other people engage in sexual activity or how many times they orgasm is not going to be helpful or healthy in the long-run. There is definitely no one-size-fits-all answer, however, there are a number of ways you can strengthen your relationship to ensure satiety in all aspects of your engagement.
The most crucial component of any relationship-sexual or otherwise- is communication. Engage in discussions with your partner. They can’t read your mind, you must be vocal about your wants and your needs. Don’t overcomplicate it. The next time you are intimate with one another tell them what was enjoyable for you and why. Perhaps it was a glint in their eyes, something they said or a new hand placement that got you riled up. Whatever it is, no matter how small, let them know. It will only bring you closer together.
Also imperative to keeping that ‘spark’ alive is prioritising your love life outside of the bedroom. Planning dates and having romantic evenings together are both fun and fulfilling and very often lead to the best sex afterwards. Why? Because oxytocin-also known as the love hormone- is released from the pituitary gland when people bond socially. By increasing your bond you are also increasing your levels of attraction and desire for one another. It has been noted that higher levels of oxytocin before engaging in sexual activity can improve orgasms and the sense of contentment post-sex (livescience.com, 2014). Worth a try!
Don’t be afraid to experiment or set small challenges or goals. Sex may be a natural act, but some of the positions and techniques are difficult and confusing. Make it fun and try something new! It’s totally okay if it doesn’t work out so well, new experiences are part of learning about yourselves and your sexual needs. This is how you grow together.
*Disclaimer: Always ensure to give and receive consent in any situation, familiar or new. Never assume that consent exists, and remember that you can always change your mind and say no at any time.
Keep learning about sex and your own sexual desires/pleasure. There are so many articles, books, podcasts and videos available to answer all of your questions and provide valuable insights into your sexual health and well-being. Don’t close yourself off to the possibilities. If you’re interested in listening to some sex chats and dilemmas from a range of experts, comedians and “sex nerds”, then this list of podcasts from wellandgood.com might be a good place to start.