Navigating a rough patch in a relationship can be an upsetting and scary time, especially if it is your first time experiencing one.
The most important thing to question during a rough patch is whether it is just a rough patch or if it’s time to say goodbye.
The keyword here is “patch”, so it is essential to remember that a tough time is temporary; if you are having a rough patch every few weeks or months, then maybe your significant other is just not for you.
It can be hard to say goodbye, but more times than not, it is for the best.
In terms of navigating your way out of a rough patch, communication and compromise are the two key things to keep at the forefront of your mind.
It can feel difficult to stay sane and keep your mind from running a million miles per hour but having a clear mind to think and process information will really help you to get back on track with your relationship.
The first piece of advice is to feel your feelings. Bottling up your feelings is the worst thing you could do because they will build up and up and eventually you will explode.
This will not allow for healthy communication because you will be projecting your hurt and anger on your partner as opposed to fighting the problem with them.
At the end of the day, it should always be you and your partner vs the problem, and not you vs your partner. You are a team and therefore should function as one.
This point leads nicely into the next which is to reply, not react.
If you are having an argument in person or via text, and something that upsets you is said, do not reply there and then.
Take the time that you need to process what has been said and how you feel about it, and then reply to that statement.
You can make it clear that your feelings have been hurt, but do not react to the message as this will cause further arguments.
If you can take your time to calm yourself down and get back into a good headspace in order to respond, the conversation is likely to go a lot better than if it was filled with anger.
Putting blame on someone is also never a good idea.
Regardless of what caused the argument and as hard as it is, try to refrain from saying “You caused this,” or, “This is all your fault.”
Placing blame on someone else will not be of any benefit to anyone as it will likely prolong the argument and change it from an actual problem into a blame game, thus wasting both of your time.
Instead of blaming, try saying, “I just wanted to let you know that this has really hurt me, I am not saying it is your fault, but I am upset.” Your partner will know you are hurt, without feeling as though it is their fault.
This will allow for better communication, as well as showing that you can be honest.
Your partner should never make you feel as though your feelings are invalid or as though what you are saying is not being listened to.
If your partner is not showing you support in a rough patch, then maybe it is time for the relationship to end.
Again, it is you and your partner vs the problem, not you vs your partner.
If you are in a heterosexual relationship, it is also important to note that men and women are both very different creatures.
Oftentimes, it is completely normal for a man to pull back and require some space for himself. This is nothing out of the ordinary and is not something you should be concerned about unless it is a constant recurrence.
A tool that would be great for someone getting through a rough patch is the book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.’
The book depicts how men and women are literally completely different in terms of how they interpret different phrases, how they react to conflict and in how they behave in a relationship.
Something that can be worrying for a woman could be something that a man would not even think twice about. An example of this is when a man seems a bit distant.
The book refers to this as a man going into his “cave,” something that is normal for a man when he needs his space but something that a woman could easily get upset about.
Experiencing a rough patch in a relationship is normal and it highlights that relationships do take work.
If you and your partner remain loyal and choose each other even in difficult times, you both should get past a rough patch and move on from it just fine.