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Sex + Relationships

Becoming Your Own Person After A Breakup

The post-breakup confusion. Everybody knows this feeling well. When a relationship ends, it’s hard to know where to go next. Trust me- I’ve been there. Whether it lasted a week, a month or a year, there’s no telling how much a breakup can affect someone. With routines developed and friend groups mixed, dealing with breakups can be awkward and perplexing, as well as hurtful and upsetting. However, we need to find a silver lining. The period after a breakup can be the most rewarding and fulfilling thing. Breakups can give inspiration and encouragement, for personal growth and self-love. 

Personally, every breakup has pushed me towards self-improvement. Becoming completely infatuated with someone and then losing them really stings. But, the best form of revenge is self-love. Focusing your time and energy on yourself, and cutting all contact, is the only way you will successfully navigate through a breakup. You may think you need closure and you may have one hundred questions but trust me- the only thing that will truly help is prioritising yourself. 

Start by building a stronger relationship with yourself. Do activities that you love, and do them alone. Go to your favourite restaurant, or go to the cinema. Remember, you are spending time with yourself, not by yourself. Alone time is so valuable and can teach you so much. Being comfortable with being alone will help you adapt to being single, and build resilience. 

Practice self-care. In the beginning, you may just want to lie in bed and cry, which can be equally important. However, try not to wallow for way too long. Find motivation to get out of bed and take care of yourself. Give yourself a little makeover- do a facemask, have a shower, paint your nails etc. I always find that getting ready, even with nowhere to go, helps me. Pick out a cute outfit and allow yourself to feel good again. 

I’ve already stated the importance of being able to spend time alone, but I would be lying if I said that was easy. Breakups are really lonely periods of time. Reach out to friends. The majority of the time, they will be so glad to hear from you and will want to spend time with you to make you feel better. If you aren’t ready to date yourself just yet, do your favourite activities with a friend that makes you feel good. Having someone who is willing to listen to you and comfort you, as well as someone who can distract you, can be extremely beneficial during a hard time like a breakup. 

Breakups can really feel like the end of an era. Remember, old habits must die hard and new habits only take three weeks to form on average. Start new traditions with yourself. Create a completely new routine. Breakups are the perfect time for a fresh start. By starting anew, you’re leaving any trace of your ex in the past, which is crucial for becoming your own person. As I mentioned previously, cutting all contact is completely necessary for you to move onwards and upwards.  This may be the perfect time to join a gym or focus your energy on studying or your job. It could even be a great way to find a new hobby or develop a new skill. Take up a new class, like Zumba or art. With COVID still around, you may not even have to leave your house to do this. Filling your days with new and exciting activities, and keeping yourself busy and productive will make you feel a lot better in no time.
All in all, breakups can be really really tough. Take this tough time and allow it to teach you something, not only about love and relationships but about yourself. Make sure you are focusing on your life, when you may have been focusing on your shared life previously. Remember, being alone can be a blessing, it allows you to be independent and gain confidence. The most important thing you can do is to recenter yourself and make sure you are prioritizing your own growth, in order to heal and become your own person.

hi!! my name is sarah + i'm deputy editor of HerCampus DCU. i'm a first year communications studies student :)
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