We all go through moments (okay, days) (sometimes weeks) where we really need to be petty. While most people think being petty is entirely self-serving (which, when used in moderation, there’s nothing wrong with that!), it can actually be pretty beneficial for helping that whole “natural consequences” thing actually happen. There aren’t that many rules to playing the petty game. Number one is to make sure you are ready and able to handle the consequences of your actions. Number two is to use in moderation. Getting petty can be fun and cathartic, but when it gets excessive it stops doing anyone any good and you just start coming across as insecure and sad when the whole point of getting petty is to get past shit and create space to do you. Number three is to make sure you do no lasting harm… you don’t want to be responsible for that because karma’s an even bigger bitch than you.
1. Take something they love. It can be as simple as taking your bomb ass self out of their life. And maybe bringing some of your friends with you.
2. Ruin something they love. This can be a thing or an activity. Don’t limit yourself.
3. Sub-tweet the shit out of the situation. Flaunt newfound happiness, or get sassy. The best are a combo of both.
4. Compliment them on something you know everyone hates.
5. Actually address what you’re feeling because you know when you’re being petty it’s probably because there are some underlying emotions going. If you’re really about to be a boss, you have to get your head straight.
6. Stunt on everyone.
7. BLOCK. THAT. MF. You don’t need to see their name everywhere on your computer screen, and you certainly don’t need to see their face. And you know they don’t deserve updates on your life either.
8. Tell on them.
9. Claim boundaries. This is actually not petty, it just feels like it is because women are socialized to be accommodating and *nice* before we set our boundaries and enforce those because that would be too *angry.* This can include: “Don’t talk to me ever again” or “No, you actually don’t get to come over and hang out anymore” or my personal favorite: “Give me my shit back. Now.”
10. Have the time of your life, because you finally can move forward knowing for sure you’re better off without them dragging you down.
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