Hi, my name is Katie, and I am a chronic procrastinator, from the third-grade science project I completed the morning it was due to the paper I’m currently pretending doesn’t exist. At Davidson, procrastination isn’t really something that goes over too well. With students playing the “I have more work than you could ever even imagine, and my resulting stress somehow makes me superior to you” Olympics, one has to maintain the illusion of still being somewhat productive in order to compete. So, I have devised a foolproof list of ways to procrastinate while still managing to be “productive” (or at least looking like it).
1. Futile list making
Nothing screams “task-tackling” like making a color-codded, laminated to-do list of the responsibilities you’re avoiding while making it. To-do lists are helpful, and when you decide to finally do your work 30 minutes before class, you can definitely have the satisfaction of checking off your responsibilities as you rush to finish them.
2. Making your notes fancy af
I can’t even start thinking about studying until I know my notes are in tip top shape. That means typing them up, color coding them, switching fonts to see which is easier to read, researching best note taking methods, and then creating an elaborate pneumonic device for things that are probably easier to remember than the pneumonic devices themselves. This will definitely give you the appearance of looking productive as you type with ferocity and highlight with all the seriousness of one of the Kardashian’s makeup artists. Plus, it really can help you get organized for your upcoming study session.
3. Cleaning
As important as it is for the mind to be organized, so too is it important for your room to be as well. Make your procrastination effective by cleaning those minute, hard to reach places in your room before you begin your work. It’ll give you an excuse to procrastinate, and you’ll have a clean workspace that you can cry in when you eventually fail the thing you neglected to study for. Win win!
4. Socialize
Studies have shown that socializing can sometimes be the best thing to relieve exam stress. So take a break from the “brain gym” and commiserate with some of your other stressed out, overworked Davidson classmates.
5. Catch up on some TV shows
Are you behind on How to Get Away with Murder? Are you tired of your friends scoffing when you tell them you only made it through season 2 of Game of Thrones? Use this opportunity to procrastinate on some more pressing homework by getting all caught up on shows your condescending friends are upset you aren’t watching. You may fail that chem test, but honestly, Daenerys Targaryen’s ascent to power is far more important than Faraday’s constant (for all you chem people, I had to look up “chem problems” and that was what came up so if I didn’t use that term properly, bite me).
6. Staring contemplatively in the middle of Union while holding a copy of Plato’s Republic
I think this one is a little self-explanatory. In order to cultivate an air of mystique and ambiguous, but apparent, intellectualism, try your best to look as contemplative and introspective as possible. Inwardly, think about reality TV and whether or not Kim Kardashian’s a@# is real. Everyone won’t pester you about the 10-page philosophy paper you have due tomorrow, and it’s a great way to procrastinate effectively.
7. Call your parents
This may be one of the least attractive procrastination methods on my list. But I know that y’all forget to keep in touch with the folks, so maybe diverting attention away from your homework to make sure daddy doesn’t write you out of his will isn’t such a terrible idea.
8. Cry cathartically
As humans, we need a good long cry. Sound your archaic yelp and just have a good old-fashioned tear-jerk sesh. It’ll make you feel better and it’ll save you time (and tears) in the long run while you’re trudging your way through that physics problem set.
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