1. “Does my hair look okay? I can’t see it. Is cadre going to yell at me? I did my best, I swear. I basically used the entire bottle of hair gel in conjunction with 63 bobby pins and a finishing mist of hairspray. I deserve to have perfect hair in a perfect bun that stays perfectly.”
2. “Wow, her red nails look great. Maybe I’ll get that color over break when no one is checking me for regulation and then take it off when we get back to school. Yeah, I’ll do that. Luxurious.”
During the year:
Over break, at least:
But usually:
Live it up while you can, am I right?
3. “Okay, I L I T E R A L L Y just got this cartilage piercing, and I know it’s not in regulation for PT, but you can’t even see it and taking it out is so painful and putting it in is even worse. Maybe they’ll let it slide!”
*get’s profusely yelled at to remove jewelry*
“Awesome, I’ll just keep this in my pocket and my hole definitely won’t close in the next hour or so. I’ll just pop it right back in and everything will be great!”
*hole completely closed, no evidence of ever being pierced*
“Well this is going to hurt.”
4. “We have PT (Physical Training) tomorrow? But it’s the Friday before break, can we just–omg it’s stadiums with arms and abs AND I’m on my period. God have mercy on my soul.”
5. “I look so swag in this uniform, my goodness. Oh, hold up, battle buddy come with me to the bathroom one sec. Hang on, I just have to get completely naked from the waist down, pee, and then put everything back on tucked, snapped, tied, fastened, and tightened again while my male counterparts just whip it out through the convenient button up area and get back out there in 30 seconds flat.”
6. “We have a battalion run. Awesome. What time do I have to get up for that? Oh, 4 a.m.? Sweet. I’ll just go sleep in my clothes for tomorrow. Maybe I’ll sleep in my sneakers too. What if I got a sleeping bag and slept outside where we’re meeting so I can sleep extra? You know what, why don’t I just go sleep over at UNCC so I can wake up at a more reasonable time, like 5 a.m.”
7. “Wow, Jenny, your life sounds so hard. You’re a sociology major with no labs, no extracurriculars, super easy classes, and a super light workload? Yeah, I can imagine how exhausted you must be. Oh, you took a nap today? Yeah, you deserved it. All of that doing nothing today must have really worn you out! Oh me? Yeah, I’m doing alright. I’ve been up since 5 a.m. this morning because I had a physical fitness test, so I can’t move my arms or breathe right now because I did push-ups and sit-ups until absolute failure, and running your hardest in below freezing weather isn’t really great on your lungs, throat, and muscles. Then I had chemistry and biology because, you know, bio major life, and then I had a super fast lunch before I taught AT, went to a 3-hour biology lab, had my own AT, went to house meeting for my eating house, tutored for a little while, and then started on my own work around 8:30 p.m. No, I’m doing great. I mean, I got almost 5 hours of sleep last night!”
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