The class Facebook pages: where you go when you want to mess with the incoming first year class. No matter what school you go to, there’s always those kids who get way too into posting. Here, a wilderness guide for your future classmates:
1. The Hometown Hero: desperately seeking someone with whom they can be preemptively homesick (trust me, you’ll have enough time for that once you arrive on campus).
Typical post: “Is anyone else from…?” Subsequent posts include “Let’s road trip home together!!” and “yeah, you know that one restaurant on that great corner with that one lady who’s sooooo funny?”
Insta-besties (trust me, it won’t last long)
2. The Social Networker: thirsty for followers, and the gratification we all get from likes on Instagrammed selfies and cute Facebook posts.
Typical post: “Hey guys! Let’s all follow each other on Instagram and Twitter and Snapchat. Here’re all my handles!! I followback ;) <3"
Best advice^ But only after a quick creepin’ sesh
3. The Social Butterfly: wants to get to know everyone RIGHT now and likely has little tying them to their high school social life. Tinychat is this kid’s life.
Typical post: “Last night’s Tinychat sesh was so great, who’s up for one at 3:14 and 25 seconds tomorrow night? Friendly reminder- don’t forget to adjust for time zones, we want everyone there!”
All day, every day
4. The Sports Enthusiast: committed before the ED kids applied. With more apparel than you’ll ever own, they’re already trying to drum up support for a team they’ve yet to play with.
Typical post: “Hey guys, I’m a volleyball player, so looking forward to playing for y’all and reppin’ our school! Come to all of our games and show your PRIDE!!!”
Not even a freshman yet #toosoon
5. The Future Hall Counselor: obsessed with Myers-Briggs. Along with the Davidson Outdoors staff and RLO, this kid will meet you, judge you, know you by the four letters you were assigned after half-heartedly taking RLO’s quiz while enjoying Real Housewives.
Typical post: “I’m a little nervous about housing guys! Anyone out there who thinks they’d get along with an INTJ, I can’t be friends with ENFPs, or ESTJs, but some of my best friends are INTPs, ISFJs and INFPs. I guess just let me know what you are, we can start from there!”
How the real world thinks about those 4 letters
6. The Helper: not actually in the incoming class, this is earnest attendee who has knowledge to share with these new, impressionable youths.
Typical Post: “Hi! I’m a junior here and I love it. I am involved in 18 million clubs and teams and somehow know something about every class! If you have any questions at all, please message me, or email me! Or we can get coffee sometime if you’re on campus. So looking forward to getting to know you all!”
Not an intimidating welcome at all…
7. The Not-In-Their-Class Clown: another person not actually in their class, these posts are the reason you read the Facebook page. Inside jokes you’re finally privy to, casual pranks you now know are false alarms, these kids make you feel like you belong while acting as a (mostly) non-threatening foil to all of the earnest over-enthusiasm.
Typical Post: “Any A$AP Ferg fans out there?”
Trolling: great procrastination technique.
The class Facebook pages can be great ways to get to know incoming students, and to get a feel for your future school, but they are mostly false representations of people. Keep an open mind and welcome the little ones with open arms, remembering how awkward you were on your class’s Facebook page…and how much you still use it post about losing your CatCard at F.
May the odds be ever in your favor.