The last thing I want to do on Valentine’s Day is watch an array of rom-coms about women being let down, turned down and left waiting for a guy. I love 2009 Ginnifer Goodwin and Drew Barrymore, but a title like He’s Just Not That Into You doesn’t exactly inspire romantic optimism.
Don’t get me wrong — these types of movies are great to giggle over with your roommates. But they wouldn’t be at the top of my list for learning anything about love and relationships. However, there’s a dynasty series about four powerful women who have a lot to say about the four letter word, love.
Sex and the City is a story about women chasing success, following their hearts, living with imperfection and loving themselves unapologetically. Between the emotional trials of Miranda, Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte, the cult favourite is the ultimate handbook on the “dos” and “don’ts” of love.
Miranda taught me to have my guard up, but not too high
Boyfriends include: Steve, Dr. Robert, Skipper, Tom
Miranda is the epitome of a self-sufficient go-getter. A Harvard grad with no time for messing around, Miranda never lets a man get between her and her success.
With Steve, Miranda asks him to sleep over less because he gets in the way of her morning routine. She even opposes his offer to move in together because it feels too serious. When Miranda first gets pregnant, she initially doesn’t even consider having the baby because she knew it would interfere with her work. These self-preservation instincts often cause Miranda to lose love and relationships because she’s not willing to make space for a partner in her life.
It is only when Miranda truly integrates Steve into her life that she finds true satisfaction in love. Adapting her boundaries brings her a baby and a family, all while having the professional success she wanted. By watching Miranda, I learned that it’s important to be selfish and independent, but love takes (at least) two people – so, I have to let people in.
Carrie taught me that love does not have to be logical
Boyfriends include: Big, Aidan, Petrovsky, Vaughn, Berger
Carrie is the central “it girl” of Sex and the City. Every “it girl” has lots of boyfriends and Carrie is no different. From Petrovsky to Aidan and Big always lurking in the background, it feels like Carrie had enough major loves to last a lifetime.
With so many boyfriends, you’d think she would’ve found the right one sooner than the end of the first movie. But, as Carrie taught me, sometimes love just doesn’t make sense.
Aidan was a wonderful man with a stable job and a vision for a family. Petrovsky was a successful artist who could give Carrie the world. Berger shared her vocational love of writing. Even though all these relationships made sense on paper, none of them were the perfect fit like Big.
Even though Big broke Carrie’s heart, could never commit to marriage and put her through every up and down a relationship could possibly have, Carrie loved him more than any other man she had dated. Rather than settling for the relationship that made sense, Carrie followed her heart and showed viewers that true love is greater than logic.
Samantha taught me to love myself unapologetically
Boyfriends include: Smith, Richard, Harvey, Don, Chivon
Like Miranda, Samantha is a woman who was unapologetically herself for six seasons. A man couldn’t come between Miranda and her career, and likewise a man would never come between Samantha and who she liked to be. As she says, “I love you, but I love me more.”
Although Samantha only had two serious relationships (Richard and Smith), she left them both because she believed she should never have to change who she was for a man. Samantha says goodbye to Richard after he mishandles her trust, and she parts with long-time boyfriend Smith after feeling like she was compromising too much of herself for his career.
Beyond putting the “sex” in Sex and the City, Samantha was an important figure for me to watch as a young woman. She shows that being unapologetic about who you are and what you want is better than any Smith or Richard.
Charlotte taught me that love isn’t always what you think it is
Boyfriends include: Harry, Trey, Brian, Stephan, Mike
Cookie-cutter takes a human form in Charlotte York. She has the perfect closet, the perfect hair and the perfect job. Her commitment to this conformist lifestyle is reflected in her relationships as she spends years pining for the perfect love.
Charlotte’s ideal man has an apartment on Park Avenue and a wedding that makes it onto page six. Even with her lengthy list of “must haves,” Charlotte once thought she found all of her childhood fantasies in a doctor named Trey.
But after the two get married, their relationship is far from perfect. Problems in the bedroom, conflict with Trey’s family and infertility struggles prove to Charlotte that her list of qualifiers would not guarantee a happy life.
Then, along came Harry – the complete opposite of Trey. Timid at first, Charlotte eventually lets herself fall in love with the man who strays farthest from her cookie-cutter lifestyle. Charlotte’s two marriages ultimately parallel each other and stand to teach her that there’s no right way to find love and happiness.
I hope this inspires you to spend Valentine’s Day watching the women of Sex and the City conquer Manhattan rather than sobbing over a heartbreaking early 2000s movie. In my opinion, learning about women raising their standards rather than lowering them for Matthew McConaughey is a better way to spend your time.