When I tell people I’m from a religious home, they always have questions. I’m asked about my experiences, my opinions, whether or not I’m getting an arranged marriage, or if, as a woman, I can wear pants (nevermind that I rock jeans every day). Amidst all the questions though, I can sense the same underlying assumption: I should be grateful to have gotten out. The narrative of the young adult escaping the confines of their religious home is pervasive, and while it is often accurate, it ignores those who hold their religion close to their hearts. For students attempting to remain religiously active, university culture can be daunting. It is one of fierce independence, individualism and socializing, and it leaves little room for ritual or tradition.
But all is not lost. Here are some tips on ways to integrate your religion with the typically all-consuming university life:
1) Find your community. If you come from a religious background, you’re likely used to having other people around to support your faith. While many religious rituals are performed by individuals, having a larger community creates a feeling of unity and companionship. So, leaving behind your home community can be stressful, and may leave you feeling isolated when you try to perform communal rituals alone. This can be discouraging, and result in the slow dissolution of important rituals and celebrations you may have once loved. Find a House of Worship (e.g. church) with a community you feel reflects your identity and try to meet some of its members. Taking part in formal religious ceremonies can help you stay on track with important rituals and dates. An added (non-religious) benefit is that religious institutions often have resources for students, or members who are happy to help you grow your social network.
2) Change is okay. When you move away from home, your religious rituals will inevitably change. Your relationship with religion will become tailored to your own unique values and lifestyle. Now is your chance to reevaluate your beliefs and shape your own religious experience. Find out which rituals are important to you, and which ones you don’t connect with. As classes, clubs and the nightlife ramp up, you’ll probably have to modify your religious routines to fit your new lifestyle and that is okay. Even the most traditional religions have changed since their conceptions. You are not betraying your religion by altering the tradition to better fit your needs.
3) It is not all or nothing. Starting out in a new place, with new people, and a new schedule can be messy. It’s likely that your religious life will be hit hard by all of the life changes you’re encountering. You may not have the resources to replicate beautiful ceremonies, or fantastic feasts.
My first Shabbat (the Jewish day of rest) on campus was pretty bleak. At home, Shabbat meant crispy roast chicken, grilled vegetables, salads, freshly baked Challah, and other recipes perfected by the generations before me. We had carefully polished candlesticfks and wine cups to make the night feel special. At university, the grace and beauty of those dinners was impossible. I swapped out Challah for a bagel that I smuggled out of the dining hall, candlesticks with Dollarama tealights (which I immediately had to stick out the window due to the no-fire policies of my dorm room) and wine with fizzy grape juice from the sale rack at Atlantic Superstore. The result of my work was a Shabbat dinner that looked so dismal I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry. But dismal was still better than nothing. Without fail, I celebrated Shabbat every week for the eight months I lived in residence, a feat that could not have been accomplished had I been unwilling to make some reductions to my rituals.
So, don’t expect your religious rituals to have the same grandeur, or comfort as they had at home. They will not be the same as they once were, and perhaps they never will be, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to give them up completely.
4) Find friends that respect you. In the whirlwind of university, making friends can be exhausting and anxiety inducing. Being religiously observant can only add to the stress. It’s important to find friends that respect your faith, and your religious rules. It’s important to note that this doesn’t mean you must find friends of the same religion. My closest friends range from the children of ministers to hardcore atheists. But they all have one thing in common: they respect each other’s beliefs. Find people who are willing to engage in conversation about your religion, and who are genuinely curious about its role in your life. You may differ in certain beliefs, but if there is always an underlying understanding that this is an important part of who you are, disagreements won’t turn into failed friendships. People who make fun of you for being religious, or who pressure you to break religious rules, are not your friends. They may want to be your friend, but if they don’t accept your faith, then they don’t accept all of you.
5) Be conscious of others. Religion, particularly institutionalized religion, has hurt many people and continues to do so. I myself must work hard to remember that while my experience with religion has been overwhelmingly positive, that is not the case for many. Acknowledge this fact, and understand that because of this, you have extra responsibility. While it is not your job to minimize your religious rights for the comfort of others, it is your job to ensure you are not being discriminatory, threatening or cruel to others. If any aspect of your religion requires you to hate someone, it may be time to reevaluate your tradition, and find a new way to follow it.