One thing I’ve learned about college is that you are always changing. Sometimes it gets to the point where I see pictures of myself from 6 months ago where I hardly recognize myself. For some people, it is not as extreme, but in college, you are always meeting new people and learning new things, and there are parts of you that are bound to change.
At the beginning of my freshman year, I was convinced that college was about having fun all the time. Besides the minimum of what I had to do for school, college for me was about partying, hanging out with friends, and constantly having fun. Now almost a year after my freshman year, my reality could not be further from that. I now have learned to prioritize my health, school, clubs, and develop real relationships with people outside of just ‘having fun’. However, this shift comes with some sacrifices and can be plagued by comparison. A lot of the time I spend my weekends in or with a smaller group of people. And sometimes it gets hard to make good decisions when you start comparing yourself to others. My mind becomes a constant plaque of: Should I be going out more? Am I not doing college right? Should I have more friends? And then it starts to get more negative, and I begin to think that there must be something wrong with me that I don’t ‘do’ college right.
What I have learned in reflection is first, there is no one way to do anything. Every person is different in how situations affect them and what they have experienced, so no one approaches things in the same way. However, there is a sort of preconceived notion of what we feel like we have to be doing while in college. But, what I have learned is that these notions of what you should be doing cloud what you want to do. Last year, when I was partying and pushing myself to my limit; it came from me being in a dark place and feeling forced to keep this image up. Last year, I posted on social media a lot more of how much fun I was having,but a lot of it was a facade. Most of the time, I was partying to avoid mental health struggles, and I wasn’t doing it because I wanted to but because I felt like I had to. This isn’t the case for everyone, but it is a good reminder that what you see on social media could be false. Also, one always thinks everyone else is doing better or having more fun than they are. Just because someone posts every weekend of them going out and partying, does not mean they are having fun. At the end of the day, comparison is never helpful. It can jsut make someone feel worse about themselves by jumping to the assumption of how everyone else is doing.
Sometimes it gets hard. I remember the crazy times I had and reminisce about being wild. However, at the end of the day, I am so much happier than I was a year ago. A lot of this happiness had to be learned with balance. It is good and fun to go out when you’re in the right headspace to have fun with your friends, but, that doesn’t mean you have to go crazy every time you go out or have to do it three times a weekend. The more you learn balance, the more fun it becomes. But, sometimes to maintain that balance you need to put your mental and physical health first and learn to say no. Saying no to going out was a big skill I had to learn.Learning what people actually cared about my well-being or just wanted to use me as a going-out friend was also important to realize. Within this balance, I have learned and become my happiest. All of this saying, no matter if I never go out again or if I go out healthily and maturely- that is me doing college right for me. Everyone has to learn their boundaries and their balance in college. So, letting go of these notions and comparisons and learning to put yourself first is what is right for you.
So, no matter what you do on the weekends if you are doing it for yourself- you are doing college right.