As I am laying in my bed at what feels like the crack of dawn, I mindlessly click on the TikTok app in the center of my home screen. It’s 7am, and I should be getting ready for my class that begins in an hour. Instead, my thumbs seem to have a mind of their own. The next thing I know, I’m aimlessly scrolling through TikTok when I see my first emotional post of the day. It’s a girl around my age staring at herself in the mirror. In the caption is a self-deprecating paragraph including all of the things she doesn’t like about herself. My heart breaks for her. Before I read the caption, I was thinking about how much I loved the way she styled her hair and how her shirt looked like it was made for her. After I read the caption, I realized that humans are so critical of themselves. We notice things that others would never think twice about and beat ourselves up about it. I am no exception to this of course, but it’s more saddening to know that others feel this way too.
Obviously I have my very own, very major insecurities. Everyone does. But it breaks my heart when I see that others are experiencing the same thoughts. When did it become so normal for everyone to feel so dissatisfied with themselves? Why is it so hard to look in the mirror and be proud of everything our bodies have done for us? From a young age, we learn the importance of appreciating and being proud of who we are. So how does this change when we grow up? These questions consumed me.
I situp in my bed and figure that I began the day on the wrong foot. I look in the mirror, and despite the fact that I don’t like every physical aspect of myself, I realize that my body has done so much for me. It’s been my vessel for everything that I’ve ever done. How could I dislike something that has been the only constant in my life? Sure, I wish my hair were lighter and my teeth were whiter and my legs were more thin. But then I’m reminded that I’m lucky for my head of hair, my teeth have helped me enjoy thousands of delicious meals, and my legs have carried me through one-of-a-kind experiences. I smile and begin my day.
Days later, I saw another TikTok, but this time it was a woman appreciating her imperfections because they represent a life well lived. This is such a beautiful and important outlook to have on our ever-changing bodies. As we grow older, our bodies must adapt to each new chapter of our lives. I give credit to my smile lines for revealing that I love to laugh until I can’t breathe. I’m thankful for my forehead lines for showing that I am full of emotions and able to express them. Most of all, I am appreciative of my imperfections, which I have earned from being the most authentic version of myself. My face is the product of a girl who loves to spend time in the sun, sucks at maintaining a skincare routine, and, simply put, is the result of “growing up.”
It has become so normalized to mask imperfections with botox, filler, plastic surgeries, or various other procedures. While I have nothing against doing these things, why can’t we normalize growing up and embracing our changing features? Humans should not feel ashamed of growing up. When we were young, all we wanted to do was grow up and appear older. Now that we are older, all we want to do is look and feel young. I think of my younger self: the girl who wanted to grow up and look and act a certain way. Well, here I am all grown up, and I can’t help but wish I was that young girl who didn’t have to worry about the way her hair looked or if she was beautiful by society’s standards. Here’s the thing: that girl has always been beautiful. She was beautiful when she was young, and she’s even more beautiful now that she’s able to appreciate all that she has become. Growing up has been the biggest privilege. It’s not easy to watch yourself morph into someone new, but it is something that should never be taken for granted. It teaches us so much about ourselves.
Growing up, getting older, and learning about yourself and the world around you is such a privilege. We only get one chance to grow up. Right now in this moment, you are as young as you will ever be again. Before you know it, you will be 50 years old and wondering where all the time went. You will reflect on your half a century of life and ask yourself if you did it the “right way”. Did you spend a majority of your years worrying about that spot of cellulite on your legs? Or did you use your legs to take you all across the world and run through the soft sand on the beach? Life is too short to worry about preventing wrinkles or whether or not you have a double chin.
Oftentimes, I think of people I knew whose lives were taken too soon – one of my close friends in particular. She will never get the opportunity to grow up and morph into a new version of herself. This thought always inspires me to remain positive because life really is too short to worry about my physical flaws. I should be thankful for the fact that I am able to grow up and experience my changing body. Not everyone is able to do that.
This is something I am working on, and I probably will be doing so for a significant part of my life. I don’t know if I will ever live worry free about the imperfections on my body. However, one thing I do know is the question of whether or not I have fat on my stomach doesn’t impact my ability to enjoy what this life has to offer. Comparing my 20 year old body to my 16 year old body is like comparing apples and oranges. I am a completely different person now, and I am thankful that I have grown into who I am today. On my hard days, I will remind myself that I am beautiful regardless of the way I think I look to others. Everyone else is so consumed in the way that they are, they won’t even have time to notice my flaws. Or maybe they don’t even think I have flaws. Just like how I saw the video of the girl who disliked herself, but I found her to be beautiful. Perspective is everything. I am choosing to see the beauty in all things, especially humans. After all, we have no choice but to grow up and get old. We might as well get over ourselves and have a damn good time.