There is the one your heart sets itself on, the one that your head lays perfectly on their chest, the one who holds you so tender that you never want to let go, or more specifically, the one who knows your Taco Bell order. The unmeasurable amounts of “I love you”s that make the entire world stop replaying in your head at 1000 miles per hour. The beauty of love takes its toll on you because in your heart, in your soul, you know that he is the one your heart desires.
The night our worlds collided, I remember every vivid detail down to the way I had my hair parted, to the way your scent lingered in the car, and the song by Kanye playing in the background as we hugged for the first time. It felt as if my entire existence had craved this moment my whole life. I remember boasting countless times to my friends and family members about how great you and I were going to be together.
The notorious love story that every girl had dreamed of felt as if it was going to become my reality. I knew in my heart and soul that we were meant for one another. Your arms wrapped around me perfectly, our lips interlocked like puzzle pieces, and our eyes spoke to one another. After leaving the car and approaching the stairs to my house, I remember thinking of the endless possibilities and journeys that were awaiting us. I mean, nothing in this world was going to stop us because we loved each other, right?
You know the part of romance movies where the happy ending doesn’t exist? Instead, it’s the “we part ways” ending. I remember the night when things ended; I remember crying not only to you but to the universe that my ending was supposed to be with you. I prayed that this was all a false reality and that you were still going to be the man I would see at the end of the aisle. But worlds avert, plans change, and minds shift.
Did our worlds avert for only some time? I mean, eventually, will I ever be able to write a new article highlighting the need for space between your soulmate just to rekindle the beauty of your love story? Tell me it ends differently. Tell me we come up with a time machine, then we go back in time and we fix our mistakes. When the time machine does work, tell me we lay in bed one last time, talking about our day while I rub your ear lobe. That’s not what happens though, is it?
Worlds collide, then worlds avert; that’s what I have to keep telling myself. My infamous love story drove me to the highest of my highs and broke me down to my lowest lows. Never did I think anyone was capable of feeling the amount of heartbreak I’ve felt; it seemed as if the weight on my chest was unbearable. Did you feel the same amount of pain? Were you too yearning for a different ending?
The separation of souls was best represented to me through the rom-com, Someone Great, where the main character, Jenny, recently comes to the end of her relationship with her boyfriend of nine years as she prepares to move across the country for her career. Jenny, like myself, has her moments of despair and yearning for a different ending than the one we got. This film became my inspiration to continue pushing through life after the break-up.
I wanted life to pause for a moment; I wanted to stay in my room in silence to replay every different scenario that could have occurred so we would still be each other’s first and last thoughts of the day. Jenny deals with her stages of grief with the help of her best friends, Erin and Blair. Jenny reminded me how normal it is to allow emotions to flow out of you. She reminded me that it was okay to reminisce on what was.
Throughout the movie, Jenny faces the break-up head-on and talks openly about it. My ultimate favorite parts of the movie are when the memories of what was flowing into the present. It seemed so surreal because it’s the same thing that occurs to me. I can remember and still have countless moments of a simple song, word, or even piece of food reminding me of the man I craved to be my soulmate.
Gina Rodriguez, the actor playing Jenny, presented the most personable character for me to relate to as I was dealing with these similar experiences. The presentation of dealing with emotions was beyond beautiful and raw to me. Even though I crave a different ending, I know that everything happens for a reason, just as it did for Jenny too. The movie presented the power of friendship and how it is possible to recover after a heartbreak.
My best friends were a source of light in this tunnel of darkness I felt myself walking into. Watching Jenny channel her heartbreak into her writing was beyond inspirational. It highlighted to me that life doesn’t ever pause; it keeps going no matter what. Taking all my heartbreak into consideration, just as Jenny did, allowed me to gear my focus on my schoolwork and working on my surrounding relationships such as my friends and family I had grown distant with.
Heartbreak is an unforgettable experience for anyone who goes through it. However, like the saying goes, “life is what you make it.” Taking a heartbreak as a lesson is far more productive than sitting in that pit of agony forever. Don’t get me wrong, it’s more than okay to sit with the feelings of what was or what could have been, but allow yourself to create a boundary to not let it consume you forever.