For as long as I can remember, anytime someone would mention a long distance relationship, it would always be along the lines of, “Long distance never works,” or “Don’t get into a long distance relationship; they are the worst.” After that, I always believed long distance to be a waste of time that would ultimately end with heartbreak. Hearing others talk about long distance relationships in such a negative light really affected me because I have always been such a hopeless romantic. I didn’t want to think that something like distance would ruin a relationship between two people who could probably be soulmates.
When I first started at CU, I was still with my ex who was entering his senior year of high school. He lived in Denver, which is only a 40 minute drive without traffic, so needless to say, I thought we were going to be just fine. We were not. In his head, he believed that he couldn’t love someone or be attracted to someone if he didn’t see them on a regular basis. Within the first week of my starting CU, we had broken up. I wasn’t that sad because, based on everything everyone else was saying about long distance to me, it was bound to happen. And the good thing about the ending of that relationship was that I was able to continue to work towards my dream of studying abroad in London, which my ex had tried to persuade me not to do.
And I did study abroad in London, which was amazing for so many different reasons. One of those reasons was meeting my now boyfriend. We met in February, and I was due to leave in April, so we had the very difficult decision to either break up or continue to try to make it work (even though we lived 4,700 miles and an ocean apart). Clearly, we chose to stay together because it is truly what felt right. We didn’t want to let go of each other just because we lived so far apart. Now, we are quickly approaching our one year anniversary and have learned from experience the highs and lows of being in a long distance relationship. Here are the good parts – the parts that people conveniently leave out when they talk about how horrible long distance can be.
Pro #1
I believe that through long distance, couples are able to experience the purest form of love that exists. At least in modern day, love has been belittled to basically nothing, where people would rather just participate in hookup culture than even attempt to be in a committed relationship. I am absolutely not here to judge anyone, and if that’s how you want to live your life then do so by all means, but I also believe that through my long distance relationship, I have been able to experience the purest form of love.
This is because I know that if my boyfriend is willing to go through all the pain, troubles, issues, and insecurities that come alongside a long distance relationship, just because he is that committed to me, that he truly loves me. I’m not trying to say that you can’t experience pure love unless you experience being in a long distance relationship, but I do think it is one of the ways, especially in modern dating.
While I totally could be biased based on what happened with my ex, I also think about other things like cheating, leading people on, lying, using someone for intimacy, etc. Those are things that happen way too often, even when you and your partner could be living five minutes apart from each other. So when someone truly loves you and wants you and only you, they won’t treat you like that. They won’t cheat on you, lie to you, or use you. However, many horrible people in long distance relationships use that distance as an excuse to cheat or lie or do their partner wrong. When you have a partner that, no matter the distance, would never even consider doing any of those things to you, you know you have found yourself a good one, and you are probably experiencing the purest form of love.
Pro #2
One of my favorite things about my long distance relationship is that since we are unable to see each other for months at a time, when we do get to be together, it’s like the honeymoon stage all over again.
Every single time that my boyfriend and I have gotten together after going months without seeing each other, we are so happy, giddy, in love – the whole nine yards – just like we were when we had first started dating. I love that this happens because one of my biggest fears is my boyfriend and me losing that spark that made us want to continue our relationship despite the distance. To my surprise, though, that spark has only grown stronger and stronger so far. When we are apart, we work together to make sure our relationship is strong. When we get to be together again, we are able to relax and just enjoy each other’s company.
The distance also makes us cherish our time together so much more. Specifically for my boyfriend and me, we know that our time together is limited, so we make sure to use all the time we have in making fun and loving memories together. Not only does this make both of us feel wanted constantly by the other, but it also leads to great dates, fun new experiences, and amazing memories.
I love how neither of us get tired of the other (trust me, I ask him a lot if he’s sick of me), and while the hopeless romantic in me wants to believe that is just because we love each other oh so much, I do also know that having our time be limited plays a huge role in that.
Pro #3
Technology has made long distance relationships so much easier! This is a pro because I think when people talk about the difficulties of long distance, they seem to forget how technological advancements take some of those difficulties away. Because while yes, talking on the phone or FaceTiming isn’t the same as being there in person with your partner, it is so much easier than when people survived long distance with nothing but letters. And if they could do it, why can’t we?
My boyfriend and I stay in almost constant communication with each other. Whether it’s through FaceTiming, texting, Snapchatting, or even just sending each other TikToks, we are able to be, in a way, linked through technology. Not only does this make it easier to be apart, but it once again proves to me how much he does truly love me. He wants to take the time out of his day to FaceTime me between classes, to text me when he sees something that reminds him of me, to watch the hundreds of TikToks I send him, and to answer my snaps. He wants to stay in that constant cycle of communication the same way that I want to because it makes the distance feel a little smaller.
One of my favorite things about my boyfriend is that sometimes he will FaceTime me out of nowhere just because he wants my presence. We don’t need to do anything. We don’t even need to talk. He just wants to be on the phone with me and have me there with him, even if it’s just a screen. Technology makes us connected in that special way. I love being able to see his face after a hard day, being able to see what he’s up to, and being able to sit down and debrief with each other. Sometimes we even have meals together – my breakfast and his lunch or my lunch and his dinner of course – but nonetheless together. And that is all possible through technology, where we are both able to prop our phones up and share those moments together even with the thousands of miles between us.
Of course, there are many more pros to long distance relationships. These are the ones that seem the most important and the most ignored to me. I just hope that one day, long distance stops receiving a bad reputation that deems it unworthy of being attempted because I don’t even know where I would be today if my boyfriend and I hadn’t decided to give it a go. My heart hurts when I think about the soulmates that let each other go due to distance, and I hope they will one day find each other again.