Your 18th or 21st birthday is probably the most celebrated during your college years as you are approaching adulthood. I believed that as well until I realized that soon, I am going to enter my twenties. On October 28th, I won’t be a teenager anymore. Six years of being a teenager is a long time, especially when it starts with going through puberty. Even though my most life-altering events have been in the last three years, there is a lot I have learned since that awkward, no-fashion sense, and naive girl turned thirteen. So here is everything I have learned and wish I knew.
- The only way to go is up.
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Over the years, there have been numerous times when I have hit rock bottom, such as leaving my abusive partner, the numerous deaths of loved ones, or even just a depressive episode. Oftentimes, I would think to myself, “How am I going to recover from this?” Those thoughts still occur, but now I remind myself that when you are at your lowest, the only way to go is up. Sometimes in life, it can’t get much worse than the situation you are currently in, but it can get better. The more you persevere, ask for help, and reach out to loved ones, the more you will see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will get through the worst times of your life.
- Family is forever
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*This doesn’t apply to those who have strained or abusive families.
When you’re a teenager, most of the time your parents and siblings are just annoying. They boss you around, tell you when to come home, and yell at you about school. But as you grow older, your parents shift into this new role where they are both parents and your friends at times. At the end of the day, they are your family through and through. Nothing can change the blood relationship between you and your parents and their love is unconditional. When tragedy struck my family this May (now we are all trauma bonded), it made me realize what a strong support system I have and I began to value their love more than ever before.
- it’s okay to be alone
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I have never experienced FOMO (fear of missing out) so bad until I went to CU Boulder and found myself ridden with anxiety any time the weekend came around. There are times that I heard people outside my door blasting music and laughing and I am tucked in bed watching Gilmore Girls with a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The reality is that even if people post these pictures of themselves at parties or events, that doesn’t mean they are living these great experiences that you’re not. Football games, frat parties, concerts, or hanging out with friends are not going anywhere and they will be there for you to experience when you want to. You aren’t lame for staying in and you aren’t missing out on some once-in-a-lifetime event.
- Your grades are the least interesting thing about you
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High school is not the last time you’ll be surrounded by people comparing GPA, honors classes, and college acceptances. But no, when you get to college now it’s people trying to play the contest of who has the hardest major and who works the hardest. I spent most of my high school career comparing myself to other people and constantly doubting my own intelligence. But the reality is that nobody is going to remember you based on how many classes you got, what you got on the final biology exam, or what GPA you got your first semester. People remember you based on what kind of friend, person, and lover you are. Your grades don’t define anything about you.
Age 18 after my high school graduation. - know your worth
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This is probably the lesson I had to learn the hard way, and I only learned it after escaping abusive and toxic relationships. I wish I could say this is a lesson that is easy and that you’ll get the hang of after being mistreated just once, but it all starts with setting boundaries and expressing when you feel mistreated. The right friend, lover, and work associate will respect your boundaries. You are worthy of being treated with kindness, respect, and love. The relationships in your life will be much more strong and more fulfilling when you know what you are willing to put up with and what is unacceptable.
- friendships are always changing
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I hate to break it to my thirteen-year-old self, but your friendships most likely won’t stay the same after high school. The transition from high school to college will show you which friends will stick around based on how often they reach out and the effort they put in regardless of the distance. In some friendships in high school, I felt like I had to beg for love and effort; it was a one-sided street. It wasn’t until I met my best friend in college that I realized it is possible for someone to meet my level of effort and love. You deserve friendships that are equal and people who are willing to work to meet your needs. Some friendships will outlast the test of time and others will fade when they are meant to fade.
My best friend Natasha whom I met during my first semester at college.
Although I went through some of the most traumatic and difficult times in my teenage years, I have learned a lot of valuable lessons. These lessons have forced me to mature faster but I am beyond grateful that I am learning these lessons now rather than when I am older. There is so much to live more than the pain and awkwardness that life from 13-19 gives you. The closer I get to turning 20, the more excited I am to see what this stage of my life holds for me.