I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of someone being in a relationship that isn’t actually a relationship. I find a lot of people can relate to this dilemma, the idea of wanting but not completely so a perfect middle ground seems to be the newly coined “situationship”. For this article, I interviewed five CU students about how they survived their situationships. Hopefully, this helps us all become more accepting of situationships.
- Anonymous 1
-
Experience: “My story started when I moved to a new school (out of the US). I was in class with the person with whom our seemingly nothing-ship turned into a strong friendship which, due to side effects, changed to a relationship until it tumbled down.
With this person, who was one of my classmates for the three years I spent in the school, I wasn’t originally in a good relationship. To me, it was like we both came from different worlds and didn’t even try to make anything positive between us. When we both started making friends around the school and started spending time with them, we came to a moment that it was hard to avoid each other, as much as we would have liked it. At one party we had to spend a lot of time together, so we decided to actually talk to each other, as the conversation started building we found that the differences are what makes us alike. Unintentionally we started getting closer and closer to each other and started to spend more time together, even without the presence of our mutual friends. Unfortunately, one thing followed the other and our mutual friends stopped getting along so well. We had to choose between sides, which made us split but not ultimately. We started being together less around our friends and spending more time together alone. We decided one day that this idea of friends hiding was not going well and we could have used this time to build something more constructive in between us. We decided to start dating, but not publicly. This relationship due to the situation destroyed our friendship for good or bad. Suddenly one day, the energy we were getting in between each other started feeling colder and colder, and with the events that followed, we decided to stop seeing each other. We both regretted our choices, both at the start of the relationship as well during it. Ultimately this made us incompatible for a relationship but due to the time spent together, our friendship would have never been the same.”
Advice: “My advice would be to think about if you have a strong friendship with somebody, is it worth it to make it to the level of a relationship knowing this could end both? In my opinion, getting to know people is important but as you get to know each other, you’re going to feel that one relationship is stronger than the other, and this will answer your question of whether the change is needed or not.” - Anonymous 2
-
Experience: “I liked a boy from the end of my junior year to mid-senior year. This boy and I had math and Spanish together. In math, we sat at the same table and I was evidently flirting with him. He started to as well and eventually, he asked me to hang out so I could help him with college applications. We made plans and he flaked on me. Though this should’ve been the red flag that told me to quit, I kept talking to this guy. We eventually made plans to study for a test together and at this point, he was evidently flirting back. We continued to study throughout this one week and by the end of the week, he was the one who was flirting with me and doing things such as hugging me, kissing me, and just acting as he had really fallen for me. I was so happy because I’d liked him for so long. One day, he was coming over to do homework and he said, “Let’s watch TV instead.” We discovered that “Wizards of Waverly Place” was our favorite Disney show and he then proceeded to ruin this wholesome moment by saying “I like you but I don’t want anyone to know so we should be friends-with-benefits.” I was reluctant at first for two reasons. At this point in my life, I’d only kissed two people and I really liked him. I wanted to be more. He somehow convinced me it would eventually turn into a relationship so I agreed, and we even put the guidelines on paper. (What?) The next day, he came over again and things escalated to a very failed attempt at the deed where I lost my virginity. I instantly regretted this because I just wanted him to like me. He went home and we didn’t talk again. He then tried to flirt with me and do (it) again earlier this semester. However, when I said no he unfriended me and we haven’t talked since.”
Advice: “There’s quite a bit to unpack here. First and foremost, I’d like to start off by saying that it is okay to say no. You should feel comfortable saying it and standing by it until you are comfortable and ready to say yes. I was not and this led to a lot of other issues that I’m still working on. My second piece of advice is to know your worth. You are beautiful both inside out and deserve someone who will not be embarrassed by you like this guy was of me. You should also let go of someone who clearly doesn’t value you or your time and lastly, be sure that you put yourself and your needs first. Don’t change anything to tailor to someone who will take you for granted because there is always someone who will love and cherish you as you are. P.s, it is totally okay for that someone to be yourself!” - Anonymous 3
-
Experience: “I’ve been friends with this person for a couple of years and we dated for two, then we decided it was best to go our separate ways. They came back into my life and said all the right things but without the label. It wasn’t a friends-with-benefits situation, it was a Nick and Jess from “New Girl” situation. So we both decided to be in a situationship. So far it’s been the best but it took a lot of being nonchalant and difficult conversations for it to be the way it is now.”
Advice: “If you have someone in your life that acts like you’re in a relationship but you both don’t want to be in an actual relationship, a situationship is the perfect substitute. Honestly, id says just check in with yourself and how you feel about the person, if it is nothing much then try out a situationship, I will say, however, do not catch feelings.”
- Anonymous 4
-
Experience: “In my sophomore year of high school, my best friend was dating this guy. His best friend liked me, so I agreed to double date at the movies. From the start of the date, I realized I wasn’t into this guy. My best friend, however, told me that I should get to know him more. So I did. I was also very clear with him and told him that I wasn’t into him and that we would probably just be friends. He agreed but also said he was sure he could change my mind. Fast forward a month, he didn’t. So I told him this and said we should just be friends. He was very understanding and said he was okay with that. Or so I thought. He then proceeded to spread rumors about us saying that a lot of things that didn’t happen did. He told all of our friends that I had cheated on him although we weren’t even dating, that I sent him and other guys suggestive photos (I never did), and that I was just a terrible person who did a lot of terrible things to him. Many people believed him and I lost my best friend over this.”
Advice: “Always go with your gut about the people you meet. Your gut is always correct. It is also important to know who your real friends are because true friends would know what you are and aren’t capable of. Lastly, as hard as this might be, sometimes you have to settle for others not knowing your side of the story. You are strong and you know that you didn’t do those things, and at the end of the day, that’s what matters.” - Anonymous 5
-
Experience: “I once dated a guy for two years. We had a great relationship and it ended in us being even better friends. Because of the length of this relationship and how good of friends we were after, our families became good friends as well. Fast forward to me turning 18. His older brother and I started talking. We were a thing for a few months, and it was going great. I ultimately decided to cut things off before they became real because I was going off to college and I wasn’t looking for something serious so I cut things off. I told him that just like we had been before, I didn’t want anyone to know that we had happened because I cherished my friendship with his family, especially my ex. He agreed. One day, we all went to dinner. In front of both of our families, he exposed everything that happened in a very chaotic manner. I was able to do some damage control, but it was embarrassing and uncalled for.”
Advice: “I think the most important point from this one is to not talk to your ex’s older brother. Aside from that though, be sure to trust the correct people and don’t put yourself in situations where things like these could happen. I’d also say to be honest about your life so people cannot do things like what this guy did. Live your life for yourself fully, and if others choose to disagree then they aren’t meant to take up a place in your life.”
To sum it up, situationships are a part of life and whether we choose to acknowledge it or not sometimes we end up in them for longer than we expected, the goal is to decide how worth it the situationship is.