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Wellness > Mental Health

Handling the Holidays After the Loss of a Loved One

Julia Stacks
The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at CU Boulder chapter.

Trigger warning and disclaimer: This article mentions the topic of grief and the loss of a loved one. Everyone’s story is different and valid. Grief is grief no matter how big or small. 

In February of 2020, just a month before the pandemic began, I had lost my grandfather. As someone who has never experienced grief quite like that before, I was confused about my feelings and how to handle them. Grief has no schedule and will remind you of its presence at any given moment. It loves to make an appearance during the holidays. Last Christmas, something felt different, and I was constantly reminded of him and his absence. Christmas was already weird enough because of COVID-19, but now I wasn’t getting a phone call from him. This year, I was also hit with a different type of grief, the loss of a pet, my childhood cat of 12 years had passed away. As I am trying to navigate this holiday season with the change in scenery, school, and now the absence of loved ones, here is some advice on how you can still enjoy the holidays even if you are grieving. 

My cat Scout that passed away in June of 2021.
Confide in friends and familY

You don’t have to grieve alone. You are not a burden for reaching out to people you trust when you are having a difficult time. Rant to a friend, call a family member, or talk to a therapist/counselor (if you have one). If you have lost a family member, sometimes talking to another family member can be extremely helpful because they are likely going through the same thing. Comfort each other and lean on others when you need to. There is no shame in asking for help. 

Let yourself feel however you feel

It is okay to be sad at a time like this. You don’t have to justify or explain your feelings to anybody. You don’t have to put pressure on yourself to be happy. Just because the holidays are supposed to be the “happiest time of the year”, it doesn’t mean you have to force yourself into that standard. But, if you are having a great holiday season and thriving, that is totally okay too! It is okay to be happy at times where you thought you would be sad. You are not hurting your loved ones by being happy, that is probably what they want most. Let yourself feel whatever feelings may arise because they are all valid.

Share stories of the loved one you miss

Oftentimes when someone is grieving, people walk on eggshells to not mention or talk about the one that has passed away. Even though sometimes this is helpful (depends on the person), it can also mean alot to share stories. Tell a friend or a family member a sweet memory you have of that person or share a photo. If you know someone in your life who is grieving, ask them to share a story about their loved one. If your family is okay with it, dedicate some time to remember that lost one. Play a song in the car that reminds you of them or continue a holiday tradition that you shared with them. 

My grandpa that passed away in March 2020.
Serve others

Holidays are a time in which people need the most love, sometimes because of emotional issues but mainly due to financial issues. It is easy to get stuck in your head and fail to see the blessings that you have (which is understandable). Most of the time, helping other people can make us feel better about ourselves and the world around us. Donate to a local charity, volunteer at a shelter, or donate warm clothes to the homeless. Even buying a friend a nice Christmas present or inviting them over for a holiday event can be more impactful than you’ll ever know. In the end, you are benefiting yourself and the world around you.

Take care of yourself.

I know that this is the most basic and unhelpful thing to say to someone when they are struggling, but hear me out. One part of taking care of yourself is recognizing your grief, not shaming it or pushing it away but simply saying to yourself, “I miss this person and it hurts.” There is no need to change the thought or jump to fix it, just notice it. Then, once you notice this feeling, ask yourself what you need right now and make a list. Part of taking care of yourself is recognizing and caring for your feelings. What I have started to do is write down things that I will know will make me feel better, almost like a grief survival kit. I choose one (or all) of those things to do. It is okay to take a ten-minute break from studying (or more if needed) and even step outside of your family gathering to collect yourself. Here are some things on my grief survival kit:

  1. Put on the comfiest clothes (no matter how ugly or old they may be)
  2. Drink something warm like tea, coffee or hot chocolate.
  3. Text or call a friend. 
  4. Grab my comfort blanket and hide under it. 
  5. Open the windows and the blinds to let some sunshine in.
  6. Take a walk without headphones.
  7. Watch my comfort show or movie. 
  8. Cry
  9. Call my family (mainly just to see my dog).
  10. Tell someone how I am feeling.
  11. Look at pictures of my loved one.
  12. Meditate. 
  13. Do an activity that they loved or listen to a song they loved. (If you lost a pet, it is a little harder unless you want to play fetch)
  14. Remind myself to take my medicine. Although taking medication can be extremely difficult when you are in a slump, it is vitally important you take your medication on time and when you are supposed to.

The holidays can be extremely difficult for those who are grieving and it can be a hard adjustment if this is your first year without the loved one. No matter who you lost, whether that be a family member, friend, or pet and no matter how close you were to them, your grief is valid. You never have to suffer alone during this time of year and you will get through this. I’m proud of you, you got this. 

Resources: 

Here is a place to donate in Boulder. 

Here is a resource offered by CU Boulder.  

CU Boulder CAPS services. 

Julia Stacks

CU Boulder '25

Julia Stacks is the Director of Social Media and a contributing writer at the Her Campus Chapter at the University of Colorado at Boulder. As Director she oversees a team of content creators, creates content for various social media platforms and helps with partnerships. Outside of Her Campus, Julia is a junior at the University of Colorado Boulder. She is majoring in Psychology with a minor in Sociology. Although she doesn't have any previous writing experience, she loves taking English classes and exploring her creative writing skills to strengthen her writing at Her Campus. Now, her writing focuses on topics she's passionate about such as mental health, current events and popular media. In her personal life, Julia can be found listened to true crime podcasts or watching true crime documentaries with her dog Shaye. She loves painting, reading romance books, spending time with friends and family, buying iced coffee and doing tarot readings. Julia hopes to use her writing to raise awareness about important issues which she hopes to do as a career as a victim's advocate.