With the rise of situationships, hookup culture, and dating apps, the dating scene is already in shambles. However, dating as a woman of color, especially in predominantly white spaces, is a whole other challenge.
Girls are already pitted against each other in almost every aspect of life; who has the better body, the better hair, the better job, etc, but when you add in the big factor of “do they even like my race?” the competition increases tenfold. There have been many instances where, before I even allow myself to have a crush on someone, the first question would be “do they like Indian girls?” Even if the answer is yes, which unfortunately isn’t very common, I will still be comparing myself to my white peers.
Another big issue that many girls in general face is comparing ourselves to other girls. But this issue is even more prevalent in the brown community. In the culture I grew up in, we were always pitted against each other— mostly in an academic sense by our families, but it leaks into our personal lives as well. Many times, I see an absolute drop dead gorgeous brown girl with a significant other and instead of being happy for her success and the love in her life, I turn envious. Why is her brown different from my brown? This is a mindset I’m actively trying to change, because deep down, I am truly happy for all the girls I see.
The increase of brown women in the media is something that I believe will only result in positive changes. Media historically only depicts white actresses as the “most beautiful,” and the POC becomes the sidekick character that’s there to provide entertainment. However in recent years, we are seeing young brown women such as Maitreyi Ramakrishnan (Never Have I Ever) , Avantika Vandanapu (Mean Girls 2024) , and Simone Ashley (Bridergton Season 2) take the stage and devour it. Not only is it helping me remember that brown girls are just as gorgeous as any of our white counterparts, but I know the impact it would’ve had on me as a child, and I can only hope that it will start to change the narrative the media has about brown women.
Although I can’t speak for all girls or all WOC, I will say that it is exhausting. Dating in today’s culture is already exhausting, and having to factor in my race and the challenges that come with it only makes it that much harder. This one is for my beautiful women of color – don’t ever feel like you don’t have just as much to offer just because you are a POC. If anybody doesn’t want to date you solely because of your race or ethnicity, then f*** them and their closed off mind. You are an absolute baddie.