Grief is not linear. It comes in waves, and reminders of those we lose pop up throughout the year, eventually leading to the dreaded death anniversary. The date is burned into your brain, and as it approaches, feelings of anxiety and despair take over your body. When my stepdad passed, this was my experience. I was isolated in my grief and felt trapped without any productive way to manage and process my feelings.
My stepdad passed the summer before my junior year of high school. Then, in March of my senior year, my stepmom died. This past March was the first anniversary of her death. My sisters and I took a trip to California.
We left the night before the anniversary and stayed until three days after. The night we flew in, we sat in our hotel room and watched as the clock ticked and midnight came. The day we had dreaded all year was here. We looked at our other sisters’ posts on Instagram, sharing their grief and heartbreak. We didn’t talk much but sat with each other, all thinking about the woman we shared and lost. We went to bed and woke up the next morning, ready to go to Universal.
My oldest sister is a mother to two toddlers and works full time. My 20-year-old sister works full time. I am a full-time college student. We are all in a busy phase of our lives where we rarely have the opportunity to let loose and connect with our inner child. When you lose a mother or mother figure, this inner child is hit the hardest. When I walked into Harry Potter World, I felt rejuvenated and excited. I allowed myself to be silly and imaginative. It was healing.
We went on rides, ate hot dogs, drank butterbeer, and smiled and laughed more than I ever thought possible on such a day. The rest of the weekend was no different. We relaxed and goofed around on the beach, watched street performances, and wandered around without the stress of having anywhere to be.
The loss of my stepmom was still at the forefront of my mind, as I am sure it was for my sisters, but we honored her by enjoying our lives and being there for each other. It is comforting to now have positive memories associated with that day. It set a precedent for me. I don’t have to wallow and be sad and dread these anniversaries. If I need to grieve and sit with it, that is okay, but it is also okay to have fun and find joy.
Everyone grieves differently, and that is okay. However you feel after losing someone you love is valid, and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.