Despite what most high school seniors are told, dating your high school boyfriend in college is not always a bad thing. I heard the same thing over and over again during the end of high school and my freshman year of college: “Really? Are you sure you want to go to college while still in a relationship with your high school boyfriend?” I say, “Why not?”
Tip #1: Be on the same page before you go to college.
A lot of the time, long-distance relationships fail within the first couple of weeks of college because the people in the relationship are not on the same page. You have to ask yourselves if you’re willing to put in the effort to communicate effectively while you’re away from each other. I was willing to put in the effort with my boyfriend and it ended up paying off.
Some couples also don’t talk about what their future will look like together. Do you want to get married? Do you really have the mental capacity to go 4 years (give or take a few) in a long-distance relationship? If you haven’t talked about what you want your relationship to look like in the future, maybe it’s something to consider before you go off to college. My boyfriend and I had several conversations regarding what our future would look like and it helped us figure out how to stay on the same page.
Tip #2: Practice communication.
This one may be obvious, but communication can be rough for some couples. My boyfriend and I always make an effort to call each other at least once a day. This might seem excessive, but the conversations do not have to last very long. Our conversations can be anywhere between two minutes to two hours. If you genuinely do not have any time in the day to talk to your significant other, just let them know. I always like to receive a text if my boyfriend can’t talk rather than being ignored.
Fights are another common communication battle. Fights over the phone (or FaceTime) can feel daunting, but they are to be expected. Rather than hanging up on each other, talk my boyfriend and I talk out issues out until we both feel comfortable with the outcome. Long-distance can be extremely straining to relationships, but keep in mind that it’s normal to be frustrated with your partner every once in a while. Being in a long-distance relationship is much more difficult than in-person relationships, so it’s expected to be angry at your partner due to the situation. I know I’ve had my fair share of fights with my boyfriend and they all ended up getting resolved.
In my experience, telling your partner when you are not going to be emotionally available for them before you call or FaceTime is very helpful in maintaining communication. During midterms and finals, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed. You don’t want to take out your frustrations over school on your partner. Gently let them know that you won’t be able to call that day because you won’t be fully present in the conversation. My boyfriend has sent me texts saying that he is in too bad of a mood to talk. And that’s okay, we’re all human!
Tip #3: Plan online date nights.
Talking on the phone tends to feel routine and boring. Some online activities that my boyfriend and I like to do are TeleParty and Game Pigeon. We like to plan specific days that we are both available for a longer period of time so we can do “date night”.
TeleParty allows you to watch movies or TV shows from any streaming service that you and your partner both have. It also has a chat feature where you can make comments during the movie or TV show that you are watching. My boyfriend and I like to get comfy and have a fun movie night together!
I’m sure everyone who has an iPhone has used Game Pigeon at some point, but it can be really fun to play over FaceTime. My boyfriend and I like to send each other a few games at a time so we can always keep the entertainment going.
Online date nights are a great way to break up the routine and make you feel more connected with your partner. Even though it’s not the same as an in-person date, there are elements of it that almost feel like you really are in the same room together. I always enjoy having an online date with my boyfriend because it makes us feel connected.
Tip #4: Don’t let people pressure you into breaking up with your significant other before college. A few people told me not to and my boyfriend and I are still dating after three years!
A lot of people are under the impression that long-distance relationships end badly. But, we’re in the 21st century and it’s a lot easier to communicate with people who do not live near us. Also, no one knows your relationship except for you and your partner. I have tried my best to avoid listening to other people’s opinions.
It’s tempting to give into peer pressure and break up with your partner before college, but I try not to listen to outside voices. Some people only believe the horror stories that their friends tell them about long-distance, or maybe they experienced a bad long-distance relationship themselves. In the end, it’s a decision that you and your partner have to make. For me and my boyfriend, we ended up making the right decision!
So for those of you in a long-distance relationship, keep it up! I know it feels long and it often takes a toll on us, but it’ll be worth it in the end. And for those of you considering a long-distance relationship, don’t worry about making the right or wrong choice. All that matters is that you and your partner are happy. I know it was the best choice that I’ve ever made!