People always say that you learn from your mistakes…and wow have I learned. Your living situation is key in order to maintain sanity. First semester of this year I lived in a house with six girls… at least that’s how we started out. Soon, one of my roommates was arrested and we were down one. Our house was a drama-ridden zone. Two of my roommates hated each other and one girl constantly rained on our parades. Eventually, negative Nancy* bailed and the remaining four of us were stuck paying extra rent.
I wanted to get out of there. Obviously, I love my friends, but I cannot live with them all under the same roof. I came up with, what I thought to be, a perfect solution: I would move in with my boyfriend until the end of the semester. It was exciting. I would live with the love of my life and my guy friends and it would be a refreshing start to the New Year.
I moved in with Jack* and his friends. At first, it was really fun, being able to have sleepovers every night, spending more time with each other, and all that jazz. After about a month, though, everything changed.
Yes, you cannot get enough of him. He is your everything. Jack was, and luckily still is, my everything, but you get tired of the smelly farts and the noisy video games after a few weeks. Do yourself a favor and don’t make the same mistake I did.
Reason 1: Lack of Closet space
I am not just mentioning this because I am a girl, I love clothes, I love to shop, but in general, sharing closet space gets messy. In college apartments/ housing one bedroom usually comes with ONE closet. When I moved in to Jack’s place, I had to share a closet that was smaller than the one I had at my old house. This is a huge problem, not only am I bummed that a lot of my clothes don’t fit in the closet, but also there’s no way around the clutter. He steals all of my hangers and I have to throw my unfolded sweaters on the top shelf that I can’t reach. I started to think this closet was beginning to look a lot like my relationship with Jack: messy and cluttered and annoying to deal with.
Reason 2: You need your Friends
Your friends are the ones who will be there for you, especially when times are tough. They are the ones you cry with, vent to, and do silly things with. Even roommates who are just acquaintances are a much needed outlet. Being with a boyfriend and his friends can make you feel alone in your own home. It isn’t a good feeling.
Reason 3: You Need A Space of your Own
You need time apart from your significant other. In a semi-permanent situation, like the one I am in, you can’t really avoid your boyfriend or ignore his texts when you are mad at him. He can just walk into your room because it’s his room, too. When Jack and I get into an argument, I don’t have anywhere to go. Sure, I can spend a few nights at a friend’s, but it’s nothing like coming home to your own bed away from everything. Jack and I deal with our arguments in separate ways and that’s how our space should be, separated.
Reason 4: There is too much Pressure
Between classes, midterms, work, and all of your other collegiate obligations you don’t need the additional pressure of living with your boyfriend. For instance, if you wanted to break up with him you would have to find a new place to live and move all of your stuff out somewhat quickly. This could end up being an expensive process. If you don’t want to deal with finding a new place then you might even feel pressured to stay with your boyfriend, despite your unhappiness. All of the added pressure of living together will cause even more tension between the two of you, and even more arguments. None of these options are healthy and they definitely won’t contribute to your college success.
Reason 5: You are too Young
Yes, this sounds like advice from Mom. I am too young to be living with my boyfriend of two years. I need to make a few more mistakes in my life and explore a little on my own. In college, you make your own life path whether you have a boyfriend or not, you need to do it on your own. The constant presence of a boyfriend can hinder this individual growth. Living with your boyfriend forces you to grow up too fast, especially if you are not set on being together forever.
As cliché as it is, college is where you grow into your own person. Yes, it’s difficult to do since many aspects of your life revolve around your relationship. All of this may not be what you want to hear, especially if you’re madly in love with your current beau, but trust me because I learned the hard way and it has almost torn my relationship apart.
*names were changed